A little over two years ago, I was applying to colleges like millions of other soon-to-be high school graduates around the country. However, I didn't find myself locked in my room for hours writing essays or re-taking my SAT until I got a close-to-perfect score. Instead, I was taking voice lessons, filming audition tapes, practicing my vocal repertoire, and traveling for in-person auditions.
Being an actress had been my dream for as long as I could remember, and despite the voices around me saying it was impossible, I was ready to pursue that dream. I applied to eight schools for musical theater. I was so confident that this was what I wanted to do, I even made sure some of my senior pictures were theater-themed (one of those pictures shown above).
All my hard work paid off when I got an email that I was accepted into the American Musical and Dramatic Academy (AMDA), a conservatory that boasts graduates like Jason Derulo, Sarah Stiles, and Sam Underwood. The email came with a cute little welcome video and when my acceptance package came, it was just as extra as you would think. This honeymoon phase was so exciting: This was my first big leap in my career as a performer. I couldn't wait to live in the glamorous, bustling city New York and study my greatest passion.
Unfortunately, after I put more thought into my plans, the honeymoon phase wore off. AMDA's out-of-state tuition was my biggest deterrent; for those of you who don't know, conservatories are super expensive. This school also doesn't have dorms or a dining center because they want their students to dive into surviving in the metal jungle of New York on their own. My parents, endlessly supportive as they were, could offer little financial help with this ridiculously expensive endeavor. I could have made it work with financial aid and loans, but did I really want to put myself in that much debt and leave with the job insecurity of a performer?
Something else that made me cautious about committing to AMDA was my fellow auditionees. During my AMDA audition alone I listened to people boasting nonstop; some about their famous voice teachers, and some about their already extensive Broadway resume. As a small-town girl who went to a public school in central Pennsylvania and had little formal musical training at the time, I was intimidated, to say the least. One particular applicant even inadvertently bashed my audition song for being "overused". I'm sure that the theater community contains many amazing, humble, and genuine people, but judging from those I met that day I didn't have hope that I'd find a lot of them during my time at AMDA.
My saving grace from my fears of attending AMDA was my backup plan. Because getting into theater schools is ridiculously difficult, I applied to two schools for music therapy that same fall (yes, I applied to ten schools at once, and it was Hell). I still wasn't exactly sure what music therapy was or if I'd like to do it for a living, but I thought applying was worth a shot.
The February before graduation, the pressure was building for me to make a decision. I wanted to go to AMDA so bad, but the growing list of negatives were eating away at me. After shadowing a music therapist at a local hospital that month, my decision was basically made for me. After experiencing music therapy in action, I saw it in a whole new light: a beautiful, life-changing field with all-around wonderful people. I knew in my heart that music therapy would fulfill both my need to help people and my passion for music and performing. After visiting Temple University's campus, I was even more set; it felt like home.
Deep down, I told myself for a while that not pursuing musical theater made me a failure. I had days where I regretted my decision and cried many tears over it. Our whole lives we're told by society that we're nothing if we don't follow our dreams, no matter how difficult they are. This is great in theory, but what if our dreams evolve? Your five-year-old self, even yourself two months ago might not the have the same dreams as you do now, and that's okay. After a lot of growth and having a blast with my musical studies so far, I can safely say that I made the right decision.
