Dear World,
I am a normal human being. For the most part anyway. I wake up, workout, eat, live a normal life; however, I am consumed by this anger that lives inside of me.
*chewing*
*drinking*
*breathing*
*pen-clicking*
*keyboard sounds on a phone*
*same music notes that are repetitive*
All these things I have an issue with. As stupid as it sounds, if I hear music too much it is overwhelming and makes me anxious. Phone keyboards make me angry over time. Pen-clicking makes me irritated; it sounds like it is right in my ear.
What you see though is the chewing, drinking and breathing. It is not like I want someone to not breathe, drink or eat, rather it makes me extremely angry to the point I may leave the room until someone is done eating, or get a tissue if someones breathing is too much (when people are sick type deal). When it comes to people drinking, I can block it out unless it is continuous gulping, in which case I may give them a glance or say hey take a breath. It truly depends on how well I know the person.
My family knows that if I glance at them it is because it is getting too much for me, usually they are almost done eating or drinking. They even know if it is their breathing because they are sick and it's heavier than normal.
I even get angry with myself, so do not go on about how I am a hypocrite if I eat chips or something. I have actually stopped eating some foods because I cannot take the sound it makes while I eat.
I do not know how to explain how angry it makes me; I am not a violent person in the slightest bit, but the anger it causes makes me want to hit something, throw something. It feels like someone flipped a switch and I get angry, I can feel my blood rushing faster, I grit my teeth trying to block it out.
I never used to have this issue until I was about 13 or 14 years old, so about the start of high school. I ignored it and ignored it and I would get angry and storm out of places and people figured it was just me being a teenage girl.
Then I did what people should not do when it comes to anything medical in the slightest and I googled, "I hate people chewing" and I got a list of results talking about a "disorder" called misophonia.
Just by googling it you will get a list of results for links and to the right a table with information. For instance, there is this helpful bit of information:
Misophonia may cause a reaction to sounds such as dripping water, chewing, snapping gum, or repetitive noises, such as pencil tapping.
People with misophonia can become irritated, enraged, or even panicked when they hear their trigger sounds.
Treatment might involve therapy or lifestyle recommendations, such as using sound protection or creating "noise-free" zones within living spaces.
It does give effects, symptoms and "treatments" for it. Misophonia is on the table to decide if it is a legitimate psychiatric disorder or if people just need to get over themselves. In those links there are people who have found it common in people who have issues with OCD or anxiety.
I am doubtful it is a "psychiatric" disorder but it is a horrible problem to deal with. And there are people who say just to get over yourself and just deal with it. I do deal with it but like anything else it just becomes extremely overwhelming.
So if you see me glance, do not get mad at me please, do not think I am an assortment of harsh names. I do my best to deal with it and if it gets down to me not being able to deal with it I will leave. I am trying to learn to get used to it, I am getting better at blocking it out.
I am working on it, so just work with me.
Sincerely,
I am sorry and I am trying
P.S. Here is a visual representation of what it feels like...
