I sat down at my computer to write this article and, to be frank, I have absolutely no idea where to begin. I’m so distraught not only about Chester Bennington’s death but about the negative responses I’ve seen. I think a list of points would be easier for me to articulate so that’s how we’re going to do this. So strap in, this is going to get emotional.

Warning: Item 5 contains a paragraph about suicide that may be a trigger to some readers. Please skip item 5 if you feel that it may be too much for you.

1. Someone has died. Let’s act accordingly.

I’ve seen an article (that I will not be linking to because I don’t want it to get any more publicity than it already has) that flat-out said that none of us should feel upset or sorry over the fact that a human being has died. Really? Have you no respect for life? I’m aware you don’t agree with suicide but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a human being. Let’s respect the deceased, his family, and his fans by not acting like a classless piece of trash. I don’t care what your reasons are, there is NO excuse for such vulgarity-- and that’s the only word for it. When you cannot respect the fact that a fellow human has passed from this world, it’s vulgar and tasteless.

There’s been a humongous backlash at the writer and Odyssey in general for featuring the article on their main Facebook page. It has since been removed. I don’t believe the article has been taken down. The writer still has a place in her community. I don’t think any of this is appropriate. That article should never have seen the light of day and she should have been dismissed immediately after writing it. Her entire argument was that we glorify celebrity suicide, but all she was doing was glorifying the stigmatization of mental illness.

2. Though he was wealthy and famous, Chester’s early life was plagued with sorrow.

Chester Bennington lived a hard, painful life. He was sexually abused as a child. His parents got divorced when he was very young. He’s been strained by health issues. And yet I’m sure there are people out there who say that he had nothing to be upset about. He had a beautiful wife and six beautiful children, a successful career and good friends. Except sometimes that isn’t enough to pull you out of a deep depression. Chester’s friends and family were shocked when they learned of his death and said that he had been coping with the loss of his friend, Chris Cornell (who himself had committed suicide a few months earlier) very well. This obviously wasn’t true. Chester was using all of his energy to hide this from his loved ones. He probably believed they would worry about him and he didn’t want to cause trouble or upset them. But depression isn’t situational - it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be triggered by nothing.

3. You are not allowed to have an opinion on someone else’s feelings or emotions.

I’m gonna say it a little louder for the people in the back: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE AN OPINION ON SOMEONE ELSE’S FEELINGS OR EMOTIONS. If I want to cry all day and stay in bed because I dropped a cookie on the sidewalk, I am allowed to do that. If I want to soldier on and ignore the fact that I am upset because I have a chronic illness, I am allowed to do that. NOBODY is allowed to invalidate my feelings or lack thereof for any reason because those feelings belong to ME. The same goes for someone who is feeling suicidal. Invalidating someone’s feelings is one of the most selfish things I’ve seen other people do. Just because you wouldn’t react that way yourself, doesn’t mean nobody should.

Saying suicide is “selfish” is the most embarrassing thing I can think of. You obviously don’t know the person you’re talking about. If you think they’re being selfish, I dare you to have a conversation with them and ask why they’re feeling that way. Eight times out of 10, it’s probably because they think they’re taking up space in the world they don’t deserve. There is nothing to gain from suicide as a selfish act. People show up to the funeral and cry and lament their passing but the deceased person is not there to witness it. It’s not like they’re going to be able to feel better looking at all the people who are mourning the loss of them.

I am floored by the fact that some people believe that suicide is selfish. If you’re one of those people, I want you to go out into the woods and dig a hole. Dig a hole so deep that you can’t see the sun anymore when you look up and then dig some more. Dig until your arms and hands are so sore that you can’t move them even one little bit. Dig until your heart is racing so fast that you think it might explode. Then try and climb out. That’s what suicidal depression feels like. You’re expounding all of your energy just trying to exist that there’s absolutely no way to climb out of that deep, dark hole. Suicide isn't just sitting down and giving up. It’s not extinguishing their pain - it’s being unable to go on any longer.

4. Just because someone has good things in their life does not mean that they don’t live in constant, inescapable pain.

As I said, Chester had a beautiful wife, a great career, money and six wonderful kids. What more could someone ask for? How about real happiness? Happiness that’s derived from liking who you are as a person and isn’t dependent on other people (like your wife, kids or friends). Happiness that he’s been denied all his life. Linkin Park’s “Meteora” is a loud, angry album filled with songs about hating who you are, hating everyone else and not fitting in in this world. That’s no coincidence. Chester made this music for those of us who felt alienated our whole lives, but it probably took such a toll on him. He spent so much time and energy making sure we knew that we had a place where we felt welcome, but nobody else ever did that for him.

5. Suicide isn’t glorious or glamorous and nobody is claiming that it is.

Suicide isn’t mascara running down your cheeks or being strewn across a bedroom floor, a bottle of pills fallen out of your hand. Suicide isn’t pretty. Suicide is ugly and hard and awful. I apologize, but this will be graphic.

Suicide is mangled bodies from jumping off a building or bridge. Suicide is vomit on the floor and in your hair and seizures from so many pills. Suicide is gunshot wounds. Suicide is swinging bodies. Suicide is ugly. It doesn’t leave pretty corpses and now that the Internet is widespread and easily accessible, people can read more and more about it. This isn’t meant to shock or horrify, this is simply here to tell the truth. Everyone I’ve ever spoken to who’s considered taking their own life knew that it would be gruesome and painful. There’s no easy way to go out. Please don’t think that anybody is considering this for the glamor because I promise you, they aren’t.

6. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS CONSIDERING SUICIDE, PLEASE CONTACT THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE AT 1-800-273-8255.

DO NOT BE SILENT. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. HELP EXISTS.

There are so many people who value you as a person and your life as a whole, people you don't even know. Me, for example. I've been in that dark hole. I've felt like there was no way out. But suicide is not the only answer. Please take 10 minutes to talk to someone about how you’re feeling and I promise you you’ll never regret it. Remember, nobody can tell you that what you’re feeling isn’t real or valid. But you’re stronger than you think, and you can always overcome.

In memory of Chester Bennington

In the end, it all mattered.

1976-2017