Hey girl.
How are you? I bet you're mad, maybe even pissed. Or maybe you're doing that scary thing where you get so mad that now you've passed a threshold and all you can do is laugh. Maybe you're crying, or laughing, or both, or laughing because you're crying or crying because you're laughing. Or maybe all of the above? You're not really sure anymore because you've lost count of all the tissues and missed meals. They cheated on you. They did the one thing you never thought they would do.
You are going to feel a lot of things in the next few days, weeks, months, maybe even years. Because breaking up is grief. Being cheated on is grief. Because losing someone means grieving for their loss and the desperate hope that maybe, just maybe, they will come back to you the way they were before you believed they would ever be capable of hurting you. Because all of this means grieving the loss of the part of yourself that was unreserved and open to anyone, the part that trusted everything and feared nothing. Because whether or not you want to admit it, that is the part that has always been the only thing that mattered. People will come and go but your body and your soul are the only places you have to live.
I know it feels different now. You will start to look at everything differently; little things that seemed like no big deal at the time suddenly become pieces to the puzzle that shows the picture of why they did it. They weren't just your lover, they were also your best friend; you put everything into the relationship you had and now they destroyed it. No one ever wants to talk about what it's like to lose two people in one.
I need you to know that this is not your fault. You are not to blame for this, not ever. I know that you are suffering because of this but that is because of what they chose to do, not anything you did. I know that that isn't fair and none of this makes sense, I don't get it either. It won't make sense for a while, maybe it never will, but you have to know that you did not bring this suffering on yourself.
If you go back to them, you will want to make everything just the way it was. Sometimes people make this work and I'm still trying to figure out how they do it. Be careful with this decision. Be careful not to overwork yourself with the fear that maybe they will do it again. You went back for a reason, make that count. You will end up driving yourself into the ground if you are constantly holding onto the weight of the pain they caused. I am in no way saying you should just forget about what they did, you just have to pick your battles sometimes in order to try it again with them. Don't excuse their actions and make them meaningless, but if you never give them the benefit of the doubt, you will never be able to move on from what happened like you need to in order to make it work. Make sure you get the apology you deserve.
If you don't go back to them, you will have to start over from square one. Whenever you are ready to move on, you have to be prepared to learn a new person. Instead of all the same old hobbies and habits that you have gotten used to, you will be presented with all new ones and at first, you might not know what to do. That's okay. Sometimes you have to get your feet wet before you jump in. But one day this will all pay off, because you deserve the same kind of love and loyalty that you give.
Maybe you went back to them or maybe you didn't — neither makes you weak. People will talk about it either way, but do not listen to them. Do not base the value of your happiness on other people's opinions. You deserve so much better than the hand you were dealt. You will get through this. It may feel as if everything is crashing around you, but please remember you have survived one hundred percent of the things that have happened to you — keep going.
