Recently, I have been trying to allow emotions to play a larger role in my life. Through this, I've begun to worry that one of my greatest fears has come to life- that I am angsty. After all, most of us can recall seeing that brooding kid in middle school with the all black clothing, clearly dyed hair (black, of course), and thinking, "I could never be anything like that." Internally however, we may be able to benefit from being more like that angst-filled tween.

Does how we express our emotions, especially in our younger years, shape who we are? Psychologist and author John Santrock states, "Emotional development during adolescence involves establishing a realistic and coherent sense of identity in the context of relating to others and learning to cope with stress and manage emotions are processes that are life-long issues for most people." Every individual processes and expresses emotional struggles in their own way, but how does it affect everyday life and total state of being? As I have only recently decided to figure myself out, I discussed emotional expression habits with six individuals aged sixteen to twenty in an attempt to further understand how reactions tie into our identity.

What I learned from these discussions is that in some cases, what is comfortable and what is healthy are two completely separate items. A majority of those I talked to claimed that repressing is their chosen method of handling emotions, rather than the others who said they prefer to acknowledge and confront issues, both internal and external. Those who chose to repress openly admitted that while it was not healthy, they would continue to do so, as it is comfortable. The open individuals, however, admitted what they do is not comfortable, but believed it was healthier. As a rule, I found that the repressors were less content with their total state of emotional being than those who were open, as well as claiming to have more personal issues than their more outwardly emotional counterparts.

While I realize that this is not new information for most, it allowed me to consider the two sides of the argument more deeply. Why do I, along with many others, struggle so deeply with emotional expression, especially when we realize it is not beneficial? The concept of repression is thought to be originated by Sigmund Freud, who claims that the root of repression lays in anxiety and fear. One reason stems from the desire of ignorance between the pleasant and the unpleasant in life, while another lies in the fear of what reality brings. On a personal level, I, along with the four individuals who claimed to repress, are not actively trying to ignore the negatives in life, just trying to simply not face them, in fear of the outcome of acknowledging issues.

Up until this point, I had not realized the significance that emotional expression plays in our lives. All but one of the group I spoke with agreed that their reactions and emotional processes shaped and defined who they are. We learn and grow from experiences, and that growth is largely based around how we handle challenges. We have the power to shape and improve who we are, merely by thinking about how we feel from time to time. Every person has their own unique mode of processing- whether it be having an occasional breakdown, to immediately talking through an issue with a friend. So, shoutout to that angsty boy in my middle school, he figured out how to express himself way before most of us did.