I was crying every Sunday because I had to go to work the next day. The dread and anxiety I had toward my first full-time and salaried job was strong. The miserable feelings that developed over the three months that I was there were surprising and unwelcome.
I was a leasing and marketing manager at an apartment complex after being a licensed leasing agent for about a year. I loved the housing industry right away and felt that it was where I belonged. Many know that I have absolutely struggled to find my "thing, my "niche". I had looked to my friends who felt very passionate about one thing all the way from senior year until post-grad. They loved the medical field or were passionate about mathematical theories, business, the arts, or even engineering. I have enjoyed so many paths that it was difficult to choose just one. Or, my interests would spark in new places every few months. So, I was completely thrilled to finally experience a fiery pull towards a specific field.
And then…that job went sour.
I was devastated. I thought I was going to soar. It felt right, I mean, like what happened? What did I miss? But I knew I had to leave it.
Here's what I know now: I didn't fail. Not even one bit. I freakin' went for it and was proud to hold a position like that as my first "big girl" job. It just didn't work out. And that's ok. I still learned so much from it even if it was what I do not want in an occupation. I also can always go back to that field because I have the experience and love for it. Just that particular one in that particular company wasn't for me.
If you're in a role that doesn't make you happy and you have tried to make it work, get out. I'm so serious. Your mental health isn't worth despising each day you are there. If the company doesn't align with your values, it's not going to fulfill you. You also won't believe in what it stands for. It would just be most beneficial for you (and the organization) to step away. You didn't fail. It's a part of life and just a bump in the road. You'll find something that fits you better and you'll move on.
Current update for me? I'm already feeling right at home at my new job. I finally did it and entered into the beauty industry. It's my long-time love. I am so excited about the journey. I feel that I can be my true self and love being around other creatives.
Life is interesting. It's full of twists and turns, but it's also beautiful. There's not a certain point in life where you have to have absolutely everything figured out. Go for the things you want. Get the experience you need for your dream career. However, don't feel inadequate if you don't have one clear path. Try things out because you just won't know until you give it a shot. I'll be rooting you on from here. You got this.