Changes have always been a fear of mine. I’m not sure if that's true for most people but for me it is. I’ll tell you why. Change isn’t when you’re eight and you’re with all of your family on a summer evening listening to the radio, just feeling like everything is right and thinking this is how it will always be. Change isn’t being five and sitting on your father’s shoulders because you can’t see the New York City Christmas Tree and thinking this is how it will always be. Change is everything changing constantly. It’s changing from a great moment or time to a terrible, depressing time, back to a great time but this time is much different than before. You start to realize when you’re sixteen, that your family won’t ever be the same anymore. Some people were disowned, and when you’re sixteen you start to realize your family doesn’t connect at all, no matter how many times you guys are together. When you’re seventeen, you get so angry because nothing is the same. Family and friends don’t take in account of the old times and focus on the negativity. No one connects anymore. When you’re seventeen, a boy will come into your life for a short time but he leaves a huge negative impact on your life for the next two years. So for that I don’t like change. I'd much rather be eight again and going to my grandmother’s every summer evening.

Change is also scary because you realized you’re suddenly twenty and realize you have so many things you want to do but don’t know where to start. You don’t know what your plans are for after college and you don’t know if the people in your life now are still going to be there in two years. Then i’m scared because just yesterday I was ten, and now i’m twenty and facing the real adult world. It’s scary how fast time goes by. Everyone tells me how much fun I’ll have in my twenties, but it still scares me. You hear all the adults who are in their forties saying, “I remember when I was in my twenties…” and then picturing what your life will be like. I’m still young, and I have a lot of time left. But it feels like everyone has their life figured out, and I’m still wishing to be in elementary school - where my only worries were doing a ten-problem math sheet for homework and figuring out what toys I wanted to play with. Change is going from being so used to your own little bubble to that bubble being popped and having to experience new situations.

But change is also going to a school and meeting new friends who are your roommates, and you have the greatest times with them. Change is also dating the crush you had since you were fifteen for almost two years. It is being so grateful to have him around, and for him being not only your boyfriend, but also your best friend. Change is feeling more accomplished because you’re achieving great things like passing your road test, getting a good GPA for the semester, and gaining closer relationships and memories.

Although 2018 didn’t start off so great… it’s going to end amazing. 2018 will bring more change and even though I say I don’t like change, i’m ready for it. I’m ready for whatever the universe throws at me. I’m ready for God to take out the negative and toxic people in my life and to keep the people that have been removed from my life out. I’m ready to have a happy mindset and healthy lifestyle for this year. I’m ready to be pushed out of my shell by my YouTube channel, my graphic designs, and my ambitious drive for gaining money to save up for college and a new car. 2018 will be the year of change, but hopefully great change. For I won’t let it be negative.