As I wrap up another vacation in the place I’ve called home for twenty years, I have never felt more conflicted. For those of you who know me on a personal level, you must imagine where this is headed. For those of you who don’t, let me give you a glimpse into my life.
Three years ago, my family and I left the place I called home and moved some 5,000 miles away. I left my friends, my family, my home and my country for something that was unknown. And quite frankly, I have never been a fan of change. Change requires work, open-mindedness, and communication. At 17 I had not yet figured all those things out, and in hindsight, I know these would have made my adjustment easier. And so, every summer for three years I couldn't wait to come back. I felt like this is where I belonged, and even though I had been gone for the past 9 months, life- for the majority was treating me as well as it had before I left. But somewhere along the line I was hit with the cold and relentless truth- life speeds ahead and things change. At first, it wasn't that noticeable. However, it soon became clear that some things weren't as peachy as I once thought they were.
Going back always has something new in store for me. Whether that is new places to explore, more people to meet or something exciting to try- it’s always something that I never see coming. I couldn’t tell you how far off the mark I was thinking this would be the case again. I was faced with people that I once called friends, not wanting to talk or see me. For the first time in my life, I felt like I didn't belong in my own home. The truth was hard, these people moved on and never felt the need to explain why. Through no fault of my own, they decided that their time was more valuable than spending time with someone who lives just too far away. My personality couldn’t be more different. Despite me being away, I still care deeply about things that happen in my friends’ lives. But in the span of a few years, some just figured life goes on. And of course we all evolve and find our own way, but nevertheless, I was crushed. I spent hours this summer thinking “where did I go wrong?” The answer was just that: people change.
To my friends who have dealt with change in a different way than I have: Thank you. Thank you for so many years of fantastic memories. I am still devastated that you never wanted to give our friendship a chance; you must have had a reason and I respect that. Do I wish I knew why? Of course. And I hope someday you share with me why after so many years, you didn't feel like keeping our friendship up. I wish you the best of luck in anything you choose to do- you have truly impacted me in ways I will never forget.
And to my friends that have dealt with change in the same way I did: You are among the kindest and most loving people I have ever met. Thank you for treating me like I never even left. Your support and inclusiveness are why this summer (and every summer before this one), was unforgettable. I know our contact isn't as much as it used to be, but you welcome me back home with open arms. For this, I am forever grateful. I can’t wait for more memories and more adventures with you. You all hold a special place in my heart.
My point is I have learned the hard way that things change. Life goes on, and depending on who you are and how you perceive change (major or minor), it can be very easy to handle or very hard. For me, thankfully it’s become a lot easier. But it took a lot of time. And for you reading this, I hope the change will come easier too. We all move on to bigger and better things, but embracing the different and the new only leads to the best you can imagine.
