Dear Best Friend:
We haven't been best friends long, but it has been long enough for me to know that I need you in my life. You are the first guy I have let see the good, the bad, and the ugly pictures in a LONG time. You weren't my first friend this year but when we did start talking, I knew I needed you to stay around.
We have that friendship where we boost each other up, we flirt, we cuddle, we FaceTime and we comfort each other. We are there for each other. I guess some people would see us and think we were dating. It's funny though; many of our friends think that we would be cute together. I know you must laugh hearing that. We talked about what would happen if we dated not long after becoming friends, but we agreed that we were cool with where we were.
I guess the longer that we are friends, I understand why people ask, "can boys and girls be friends without someone catching feelings?" It makes sense that someone would eventually catch them. I was the one who first said that we shouldn't date because what we have is great, which is funny because I'm not the one with feelings.
I never thought I would catch anything for you, not because you are unattractive, not because you aren't my type, simply because you are my best friend. You are the one I lean on and depend on. I haven't had a stable man of any sort to depend on in so long that I didn't want to mess it up. I still don't want to mess it up, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't entering the idea.
I have had one real crush this year which isn't surprising that you helped me see that I deserve better. You are the one that made me realize a lot of things this year. You impact my life so much and I have a feeling you don't understand how much so.
You don't know that I never tell a guy everything; I can't stand to be seen as weak. You don't know that the moment I text you first because I'm anxious is because I know just talking to you will calm me down. You don't know that when I'm favoring you to other males, it's because I feel safe and content with your arms around me.
You don't know that sometimes when I'm challenging you by saying "make me," I'm challenging you to kiss me. You don't know how much I talk about you because you manage to always surprise me in a new way. You don't know that the reason I never knew how to reply when you asked me how a guy would know if I was interested was that I wasn't sure how to tell you because I was showing you.
I guess you know now.
I know you didn't know any of this and it's my fault for not telling you. I guess I didn't know how to tell you. I still don't.
I guess I should tell you how I get jealous even though you aren't mine. I guess I should tell whenever I say, "you're mine," I'm hoping that one day you'll agree.
Best friend, if you read this then now you know. You are still my best friend and I still want you in my life but now I just know that I can stop entertaining silly ideas. I still love you and I still want hugs from you because you are and always will be my best friend.
Sincerely,The Best Friend Who Caught Feelings
