In each of our minds we have our internal world. That internal world we bring out and make it our reality that we live in. Everyones reality is the truth they live in, and that truth is basically their views on the world and what they believe in. I'll take you through a bit of what I see.
As a guy that does have anxiety, depression, and ADHD, it is tough to stay positive and want to keep striving for the light. Most of the time I see a dark world with constant rain where the sun shines once a week. The dark world is filled with nothing but an abyss of darkness and negativity. At these times all I see is negativity. Delusions turn into paranoia, happiness is turned into sadness, sadness turns into depression, calmness is turned to anger, and the list goes on. All of these feelings attack at once in my mind and I just shutdown. When I shutdown, then those feelings become who I am for awhile. It takes too much energy to live in this dark world sometimes and I just fall into it allowing it to control me. Maybe my brain chemistry is throwing me into this dark world. My mind is working against me, which is steadily destroying me. Maybe it is just me torturing myself. It could be both, but I don't have the answer to that.
Recommended for you
We all have our demons and we try to cleanse ourself of them. We try to completely destroy them and when we think we do, then we feel at peace. We try to search every conner of our mind to make sure they are gone because this little sliver of happiness we have must last at least for a little while. Then we find out that our demons were just napping. Maybe that is part of their game. They wait until we feel somewhat calm and then they come rushing back to continue the torture. Sometimes I am friends with my demons, so I can at least be somewhat happy. I thought that I may as well join them since neither of us are going anywhere until I die. At that point it isn't happiness I am feeling, it is just emptiness. There is both a bit of calmness and fear in that abyss. It may not be this way for everyone, but this is how I see it.
When I fight to get out of that world, then the Sun starts to shine. Darkness is what I have been in for a long time and I am starting to figure out how to get to the light. I am not really used to the sun shining, so I do not know how I am supposed to act, or who I am supposed to be. All I have ever really known is the darkness. Is being happy actually okay? Is it okay to want more for myself? To strive for something because I deserve happiness. Do I deserve happiness? What is happiness? I could either keep tapping into this power of light or I can sink back to the darkness. It is not easy though, but I guess I may be finally starting to see my way.
