This week, I wanted to share ten of my most incredibly personal poems yet. The stress of midterms, research, and tutoring has left me feeling overwhelmed, and like always, I turn to writing during emotionally overwhelming times like these, so these are fairly recent, written within the span of a week.
What makes this particular set different from the others I have published is that they feel even more personal and raw to me. Of course, every single poem I write is personal and raw, but these ten in particular just seemed to flow effortlessly from me, like a catharsis and of course, being the masochist I am, I just had to share:
1. Intrusive
they sneak to the front of my mind
like phantoms in the night
and their presence is cold
and heavy
they whisper of things that only the darkest
chambers of my heart dare to speak
but they are not what I want
not truly.
they speak of death and self destruction
but I cherish my flesh
I cherish it as one cherishes a fragile doll;
soft yet tight.
they dance all around me
whispering and shrieking all at once
it becomes disorienting
and I am falling
straight into their cruel embrace
but I fight them
fight them with all my life
because I cherish my life
even through the lens
of my broken mind,
it is still beautiful
even in the deepest melancholy
this is why they cannot win
they cannot
****
2. of violence and passion
of violence and passion,
I beg you to let my heart be still
for in you both
are unholy inhibitions
that flow endlessly
and recklessly
when unleashed;
I cannot bear to have
any more blood
on my flesh
the wounds are still fresh
of violence and passion
I beg to let me sleep tonight
cease the revolution
that continues to
claws at my chest
deep from within
I beg I beg
of violence and passion
please let me breathe
for it is hard to live
when your lungs
are full of endless
destruction
and heartache
for it is hard to live
when every violent
word wants to flow from my mouth
and reveal in all the horror it will leave
in its wake
****
3. Tender Strength
how can I still be tender
in a world that sought to make
me cruel?
how is it that I still manage
to love even when I feel
I have no more to give?
and
how did I get both blessed and cursed
with a tender strength that allows
me to keep living
even when I have killed myself
a thousand times ?
****
4. endlessly
it's stormy outside
and inside
but I still love you endlessly
We cry and scream
endless amounts
of battle cries
But I still love you endlessly
We tear and claw at each other
hoping to see each other
beneath the sins of our flesh
but it's a violence
a violent passion
But I still love you endlessly
I still love you endlessly
because even when we tear and cry
and thunder falls from our lips
and lightning passes through our eyes
the golden valleys of your eyes
and angelic allure of your voice
still manages to seduce me
And your smile still gives me
reason to rise from all the violence
against ourselves
Because I love you endlessly
***
5. Alive
sometimes I can't help but cry
for all my sins,
for all the wrong I have done
I cry I cry I cry
because it reminds me that I am still alive
even when I feel like the skin I am in is not my own
I am alive.
****
6. venom
venom drips from my lips-
it's filled with many hells
all my pains,
ally my unfulfilled desires;
it hangs off every word
I breathe - even in secret
****
7.resurrection
love has touched me
in ways that loneliness has
only ravaged
but when you feel both
it's like being killed
and resurrected one
thousand times
over.
****
8. apologize
I apologize for everything
because I feel that I take
up a space that someone
greater than myself
should occupy.
****
9. phantom
mental anguish,
softly, at first, creeps-
and then invades swiftly.
it is the worst kind of phantom,
the one that never leaves
even when the world is bright
and you smile
straight into the sun
***
10. catharsis
the sound of flesh
as I strip it bare
and cleanse it of all the demons
who suffocate me
nears that of ecstasy
rip
rip
rip
there goes another layer
another self that I
can no longer bear
to be attached to
they all crawl serpentine in agony - the flesh was how
they could breathe
all while stealing my breath
rip
rip
rip
I am free.
