Madison, Wisconsin
According to several passing pedestrians, on Thursday afternoon around 1pm, James Petersen, 28, was reportedly making inappropriate remarks towards a young woman on State Street. His comments included a variety of colorful language and comments on her appearance. Witnesses confirmed that she was appropriately dressed for the fall climate in Wisconsin, not that it would make a damn bit of a difference.
"People watching probably thought that my behavior was because of the recent election, but I'm here to set the story straight", said Petersen when asked to comment on the incident. "My behavior towards that woman had absolutely nothing to do with Trump's recent election as our next president - I would have done it even if Hillary had won, so don't blame Trump! I'm just an asshole."
Witnesses did agree that he was, in fact, an asshole.
"Heck yeah, I voted for him! Nobody respects women more than Trump does. Don't put it on him just because I don't!"
Mr. Trump was not available for comment.