In the last few weeks, articles for and against Feminism have covered my news feed, and the more posts that have gone out, the more that I’ve realized how polarizing this issue is — even, and perhaps especially, among women. So before I launch into the issue at hand, let me offer a quick word on being a feminist. Being a feminist is like allying with a political party: you can agree with the general principles while deferring immensely on specific topics. But enough about feminism. That’s not the point of this article. The feminist movement is simply the result of the actual issue that is still prevalent in our society: sexism.
Sexism is real. It is real in relation to the way that our society views women. It is real in the way that men view women, and it is real in the way that women view each other — and themselves. Don’t get me wrong, there are women and men who stereotype or look down on other men for certain behaviors, and even self-proclaimed liberal feminist women can be demeaning (verbally or internally) toward the other women they are supposed to be holding as their equals.
I myself am guilty of such behavior. In high school, I often made snap-judgments about women. Women who loved shopping? Uninteresting. Women who wore lots of makeup? Insecure. Women who wanted to sew, cook, or be stay-at-home Moms? Unambitious.
I could make an argument that societal upbringings and unimaginative TV shows are to blame for such judgments. I could certainly state that my innate resistance to stay-at-home mothering was born when I heard that I had to bear children in order to fulfill God’s divine purpose for my life.
Yet the more I read literature and interact with people, the more I have come to understand that all action is a form of reaction. Some feminist like myself probably told a stay-at-home Mom that she was unambitious, therefore perpetuating her stereotype of “liberal feminists,” thus causing her to tell me that my desire to attend a graduate school was out-of-line for my God-assigned sex.
Therefore, I see no reason for me to excuse my reactions on the account of the reactions of others. When it comes to the ways in which we diminish one another, we are all culpable. If nothing else, I hope you and I can depart today united in that.
So sexism is more than the way that men view women or women view men. There are real, ongoing issues embedded in the way women view each other. Yet there is a deep global and American history of men subjugating women, and no matter how far we have come, the distance that we have yet to travel is something that must be addressed.
I am writing this only out of the qualifications of personal experience. My research is my life, and by and large, that has been enough, so that is what I intend to focus on today. Even so, I am ever aware that as a white, middle-class American, I am speaking from a position of privilege. I have not suffered sexual abuse. I have the right to vote, to marry whomever I chose, or to not marry at all. If I do decide to have children, I don’t have to worry about being beheaded or deemed evil if I have a girl. Though I may get paid less than my male counterparts (which I will also not discuss here), I can find and keep a respectable job. This list that I am constructing is not one of any ultimate oppression—I am not seeking pity—but it is one of little occurrences that have become such a regular part of my life that it took me years to understand that just because it was common, didn’t mean it was right.
Perhaps this list will surprise you. Perhaps it will appall you. Perhaps I will appall you. This is all in her head, you may think, and in some instances you may be right. Yet the question of why it is in my head is still worth asking, and if there is any merit to even one of this scenarios that I have observed or found myself in within the past few years, then it is still one worth conversation. One worth stopping.
Due to the commonality and “harmlessness” of many of these scenarios, I am calling the behaviors and events on this list ones of “Casual Sexism.” It is worth noting that other women may disagree on what they consider to be sexist, and even I don’t mind the occasional joke about my sex when I know the heart of the person telling it. It is also worth noting that I have been guilty of perpetuating some of these scenarios.
Casual Sexism Happens
1. When women cry, or get angry, or even passionate and are asked whether it is their “time of the month.”
2. When I am told that my place is in the kitchen or behind the sewing machine, even when Home Economics was the one and only class in school in which my midterm grade was below passing.
3. When, in order to be bold or courageous, we must “grow a pair” or “man up.”
4. When our culture tells us that we are obligated to trade our bodies for a free drink.
5. When I fear wearing a dress to work or an interview because I am afraid that the boss will take my views more seriously if I am in pants. When I put my hair up to look more like a man. When I lower my voice when speaking to men so that they will view me as an equal.
6. When the two female presidential candidates of 2016 were told that they needed to “smile more.”
7. When a liberal presidential candidate was told that her having to go to the bathroom was “disgusting.”
8. When a male presidential candidate could say, “She gets out and she starts asking me all sorts of ridiculous questions. You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever,” and gain more votes.
9. When I log on to League of Legends (or basically anything else) as a female gamer and see that the women characters have size zero waists with 34 D chests and somehow manage to do physical fighting while wearing less than you would to a beach. It goes on when I am pressed for my personal information and for photos, or told that I am an inadequate gamer (before the game even starts) strictly because of my sex. Or, even worse still, I am asked by my male-gaming counterparts whether I would like to see their genitalia. This stops or is prevented most times by my male friends, who explain that I am their sister or, more frequently, their girlfriend. While it is a nice gesture, one that I appreciate and am in no way condemning, the need for it has a dark undertone—the harassment, I realized, stopped only because my body was being claimed by another man. I was off the market, and not out of my own self-doing.
I did not create this list in order to shame anyone. If I did, I would also be shaming myself. I created this list because there are women and men like me who want to see all humans as equally valuable parts of this world, but who struggle to know how to do anything about it. I hope this list has given you some ideas.
So you’re a feminist? That’s okay. Oh, you’re not a feminist? That’s probably okay too. The title you use to fight sexism is, to me, irrelevant. Still, if one of these instances struck you as “out of line,” if you would be uncomfortable if they were spoken to or about you, your wife, or your daughter, then I encourage you to keep it in mind and try to eliminate it from your language or the language of your friends and family. It likely won’t stop sexism, but it may slow it’s momentum, and for now, that’s a start.