I want to be honest with you guys, though I do so at the risk of sounding uninformed and apathetic.

I don’t know what to say.

This is all I’ve been thinking every time someone has asked me my opinion on the upcoming election. I’ve heard both sides. I’ve heard the “People have died for you to have the right to vote” as well the “I can’t justify voting for either candidate” – the “Vote so you can change it” as well as the “Voting uninformed is not a smart thing.” I both agree and disagree with parts of all of these. But still I find myself here having to make a decision. I can’t just ignore it. I am a United States citizen who is for the first time of age to vote and I feel caught in the middle thinking it’s my duty to vote, but I don’t feel equipped to vote rightly.

It’s like I have one dollar and it is my job to give my dollar to someone who has the position to do something useful with that dollar. I listen to their points and make a decision on who will use my dollar the best. A lot of people have given their dollars to either person. Some have given their dollars because they think their person will return the most dollars. Some have given their dollars just so the other person wouldn’t get their dollars. I feel like I’m holding my dollar. Do I bury it for fear of it being used wrongly and being held accountable or do I invest it blind to whether my return will be positive or negative? The Kingdom of Heaven is one that requires that you invest it, but what of the Kingdom of the United States of America?

The truth is I know nothing about the economy, about racism, about common ethics, about the stock market, about climate, about terrorism, about jobs, about anything. I only know broken pieces of all these things. I definitely don’t have a good enough grasp on the big picture to have a voice in it. I see how childish politicians can act, but I also see how much more they know about things I have no clue about.

All this leads me to sigh deeply and exhale a big “I don’t know what to say.”

I don’t feel a right to my voice and I hate that. So many would give anything for a voice in their world and I, being born in a democracy as a white male, have every right and platform to use my voice, but I have nothing to say.

I want to build up and not tear down, but I’m still figuring out how to do that in my personal life – So how do I that on my ballot?

I want to give people every opportunity to have the best life, but my own beliefs say you gain your life when you lose it – So what do I make of that in current time where my vote involves real people and real lives?

I want to be a good citizen and be a good player while acting justly to the poor and my neighbor – So who do I vote for?

Is politics about damage control and or about thriving?

I know I sound like a millennial. I know I sound hypocritical and ungrateful. I wish I knew better how to use my rights. But these are my thoughts. I don’t know if I’m alone. I may be.

But none of this really matters because I forgot to register.