You’re a great friend and support system, you are always there for anyone who needs you, and you are always who everyone goes to for advice. These are all great, but sometimes you don’t realize how these qualities can weigh on you.
After a while, you can give so much of yourself that you lose who you are. Many don’t know how essential it is to take care of yourself. If you’re not taking time for you, then how can you help others?
Let’s start with the concept of friendship. Friendship is important to one’s happiness. Don’t think by any means that I am suggesting it’s not, but to really understand we must comprehend what friendship actually is. I was once told that friendship is a 60-40 relationship.
Sometimes you are the one giving 60%, at other times you are the one giving 40%. So, stemming from this concept, the whole point of friendship is giving AND taking. Whenever you are giving 60% all the time, or 90% all the time, it can start to get exhausting.
Now, when these friendships start to become one-sided, you can’t get mad. You were the one that let them get to this point. These friends are not the ones at fault because you never stepped back to give the other person the space to give the 60%.
So, ultimately, you’re at fault. You don’t realize that never saying no and never taking time away from your advice sessions can weigh heavily on you. Numerous friends of mine have realized this the hard way. After putting others first for so long, they lost their joy for life.
Long story short, there is no need to cut off friends and hold anger. The truth is, these friends are not meaning to make anything hard for you. They love you and want what is best for you. It’s that you have to find a balance. Please get that you can be a great friend, but it is not your job to bear everyone’s burdens.
Take time to yourself too. Bear your own burdens as well. Even the most social and helpful people need to take that valuable time to themselves sometimes. The really great friends will understand. If they don’t, then they were never your friends to begin with.
So, set some boundaries for yourself. There is nothing wrong with saying no. Make a limit of how much time you spend on others each week, then how much time you spend a week on yourself. These should be equal. It is always said that others should be first, but like I said earlier, you can’t use your gift of helping others if you’re not in good shape yourself.
Value those friendships because they will be what get you through a lot in life. Take a break and give them the opportunity to be the 60%. Keep using your gift of helping and listening to others, just don’t let it get out of hand. Some gifts are good in moderation.
