Love is something that all of us know. It’s a familiar friend who shows up on our doorstep one night. Love is the exciting story of a young woman at the bar. It’s something we know, but something we may not altogether understand.
And that is true for most people, as most people fall in love at times when they are not necessarily looking to fall in love.
Recommended for you
I first met her when I was 16-years-old. I can remember I was struck most by her bravery. She liked to speak up when a question was directed at the group, and her intelligence was unquestionable. She was one of the few girls I had met that exuded so much grace.
Her story is one that I know myself: love that is given, a love without any boundaries, yet a love that is not reciprocated.
“My story started from Freshman year of college, during my second semester,” she started. “I was still trying to find my balance, my group of friends that I could text and hang out with without feeling unwanted or awkward.”
During this time, she joined an international buddy program. This served to introduce students to foreigners coming to the same school, and would also (hopefully) create a relationship between them. The students would help the foreigners navigate the country and the university.
“I wanted to befriend a foreigner and help them because I know what it means to be lost,” she said. “I had hoped to meet a nice guy that I would like, and that we would have a nice love story.”
Rick, who was half Italian and half American, was a part of the group. He was a government major, same as she was.
“At first I was a little disappointed about his looks, not your usual ‘hot’ guy,” she said jokingly.
The two had shared a class the semester before, but she had never talked to him. However, she soon found out that he was very kind to her, and that he was also fun.
“First time we hung out was at his dorm. I found out we both love tea. I met his roommate and he was nice. We talked for two hours!” She said. “It was effortless, I was so comfortable. I couldn’t wait to see him again.”
The two grew closer: they went to Seattle, ice skated, had shawarma, and went out for coffee. She said, a little forlornly, that it was a magical night.
“I tried not to have feelings for him,” she said, “but I failed.”
In order to try and squash those feelings, she told him - and I noticed again just how brave she was. He told her then that he liked her just as a friend.
“But then he started talking about cuddling, how he would like to cuddle with me,” she said. “He needed female companionship. I was willing to be his ‘booty call,’ but he always bailed. He just started making up excuses, but it never stopped him from flirting with me.”
The semester ended, and summer came with all of its glory. She was living in Seattle alone, and he lived close by. In the span of six weeks, however, he couldn’t find an hour to spare for her.
“I was devastated. I went to Turkey for a month and didn’t talk to him,” she said. “I thought I needed to start distancing myself or just be less attached. I came back and started my third semester. I talked to him, and then I found out through his friend that he was seeing someone else.”
He met her during their third semester, and fell in love. They became a couple in September.
“He didn’t even tell me. I stopped talking to him for about a month, just waiting for him to reach out to me if he cared at all. But he didn’t say anything. So I reached out because I was miserable.”
He responded, and they started talking again, but less than before. She was resentful of the new couple in the beginning, as she thought that the relationship was founded on sex. But this was proven untrue as the girl was a practicing Christian who didn’t want sex either.
“We had a heart to heart around Thanksgiving break, where I told him how hurt I was and he apologized as he never intended to hurt me. He insisted that he didn’t avoid me in the summer,” she said. “Fourth semester came around, I wanted a good start, so I asked to meet him.”
He invited her to his dorm, where they talked until they were comfortable again. Just as the scars left from the previous semesters was being healed - talked over and soothed - his girlfriend walked in and the tone shifted.
“I was pushed to the corner. They all went to his room and left me, so I decided to leave. I went to a friend’s apartment and cried my heart out.”
The next day, she found out they had a class together. But the bad feelings didn’t last forever. They would wave to each other in class, though nothing was as it had been. In fact, things were better than before.
“Until spring break, when his friend told me that he didn’t care about our friendship anymore. It broke my heart,” she said. “So I stopped talking to him for two months.”
After finals, he joined a club that she was a part of. He was elected Vice President for the next year. Once the meeting was finished, he asked to walk her home and they talked. She recalls that it was like they had never stopped talking.
During the summer, he met with her for coffee because she was going to study abroad during her fifth semester, and he was going to graduate. They kept talking, constantly. Fifth semester rolled around, and she couldn’t travel to Switzerland due to financial reasons. And so they continued to talk - even though he still had a girlfriend.
“He was texting me one day and flirting, even though it was his one year anniversary. From then on, we would flirt through text. One night we both got drunk and sexted,” she said. “We admitted it was a mistake.”
But then, right before she left for Turkey, they sexted again, and they would still flirt.
“He is still with his girlfriend. In the summer, he told me he needed to hang out with someone in the spring after he graduates because his girlfriend wouldn’t be around. She’s going to work in China. Now I don’t know what we are.”
She thinks that he is still with his girlfriend, but she never mentions her in conversation.
“He wanted to make me happy, but I’m suspicious. I’m afraid of losing him. I feel like I can be abandoned at any minute of any day,” she said. “I don’t know what I got myself into. I guess love is blind.”
Then I asked her what could be the most simple or the hardest question to answer: do you love him?
“I do love him,” she said. “That’s why I can’t seem to be able to leave him.”
