Nobody ever really sees something drastic happen, like a breakup, or a death in the family. Nobody can really see that coming. I bet we all wish that we could right? Because I know I do.

Something that I've been hearing a lot this year is "Wait, what happened?!" and then I have to re-live that story and re-live that heartbreak or just plain sadness. Sometimes, it's a more professional type thing of "Well, what happened with that?" and I've had to repeat things I never wanted to relive, I've gone through things throughout my life that I never wanted to remember but suddenly I couldn't outrun them anymore. Sometimes, it's your best friend saying "what the hell happened?" and you have to relive that heartbreak for the umpteenth time. Right, it fucking sucks.

Now, sometimes, the professional and what the hell type of what happened go together, because that what the hell type will go to the professional type of what happened because it's going to come out. One of my supports disappeared. There's nothing but anger around me anymore and I'm trying to fix it. I promise I am. Things happened that nobody saw coming and it felt like a light switch. A lot of these "wait, what happened?" moments are like a light switch, one second you're totally fine and nothing is wrong and then just like that, you're in a room full of glass plates and cups and an earthquake just magically appeared doing nothing but wrecking havoc over everything we knew.

I don't want any of you to think that you're not enough because you are and you should go through that "Wait, what happened?" and cry, laugh, smile, or what have you. It's part of healing, and as shitty as it is that's just life. Living through that "wait, what happened?" phase will make things easier down the road whether you want to believe me or not. My roommate and best friend kept telling me that and I didn't believe her. I thought I was done for. I thought that I would just be sitting in a room of broken china and crying until I had to pour water onto my eyes to have it continue, but I figured writing to you guys would make it easier on me, so that's why we are here.

To end this on a somewhat happy note, (I can do that, right? Well, let's find out) you're not the problem when it comes to mental health. We are a special breed, you and I, we have a chemical imbalance and that's okay. We just need a little nudge from medication and from our support systems in order to function like the average Joe. That's cool too. Nobody really gave us a guide to this mental illness thing we've just had to figure it out on our own, and some of us may be winning that battle, others may need that extra push. If you're one of those that need the extra push, let someone know and be that little push for you.

I love you all. You're doing great, sweetie.