"Happiness is what you choose! You can just be happy!"
"Go outside, who needs medicine when the great outdoors can cure all ails!"
"Can you stop moping for one second and just be happy for once?"
We've been told all of our lives that happiness is something that you choose. It's something that you're always in control of, something that you can achieve if you just work hard enough.
But what about those of us who can't "choose" happiness? Those of us that can't choose the great outdoors over pills or therapy. Nothing is more frustrating than seeing all these "enlightened" people talking about centering themselves with yoga/juice cleanses/hiking/yogurt bowls, what have you, posting pictures of mandalas with Gandhi quotes, telling you all about how they've achieved happiness, when getting out of bed was an accomplishment for you that morning.
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, one in 25 adults deals with mental illness in a given year that is serious and affects day to day life. That means one in 25 adults doesn't get to "choose their happiness." Of those people, a number of them can't choose "fresh air" over doctor's appointments and medication. And when you post your "enlightened" macro images on Facebook, you have no idea how many of your friends you're making feel bad over something they simply have no control over.
I, personally, am that one in 25. As someone who struggles with this, it's degrading for people to assume that I haven't tried everything to fix my problems before I turned to a doctor. I don't want to take medication to stabilize my mood, potentially for the rest of my life. My mood swings are as exhausting for me, probably more so, than they are for the people who interact with me regularly. Panic attacks aren't something I do for fun, they aren't a tactic to gain attention from people, and when you roll your eyes or yell at me when one is onset, it just leaves me feeling worse and you feeling frustrated.
So, myself, and the millions of other people with mental illness in this country, can't help not being able to choose our happiness.
What we can choose, is to keep going, keep living and working and doing our best in spite of our shortcomings.
So, if you find yourself about to tell someone they they'd be happy "if they just...", make sure you take a step back, and evaluate why you're telling them this, because if they haven't asked for your advice, it might not be wise to give it to them. Not everyone's default emotion is happy, and that's perfectly okay. Just let them keep going, however they have to. If you truly love them, as a friend, parent, sibling, roommate, what have you, you can love them in any emotion.
If you have been impacted by mood disorders, or other mental illness, and would like to participate in the World Suicide Prevention Day, which is September 10th, the charity To Write Love On Her Arms, is selling merchandise with the phrase "And So, I Kept Living". I think it's particularly fitting to this message.
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal ideation from mental illness, please contact the national suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Please do not hesitate to call.
