I had very high hopes for what my first year of college would bring, and they only got higher once I joined my sorority. I was bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to take on anything that was going to be thrown my way. I came into school without any of my close friends from high school, who for the most part happened to move across the country for school, leaving me as the only one still in Seattle. I was scared but I thought I had a pretty good idea of who I was and exactly what I wanted to do when I got to UW. What I didn’t factor in was how much I really would change even in the first couple of months at school and how the new me would handle situations compared to the “old” me.

I was motivated all through school, from the first day of Kindergarten all the way through my senior year of high school. I got great grades and kept involved, and I was proud of what I was doing. I felt like I had a solid handle on every aspect of my life, and that was how I liked it. But as anyone who has made the transition from high school to college knows, a ton of that can go right through the window.

I went into my freshman fall quarter absolutely convinced that I was going to major in business like so many other people that I knew, so I started out with some of the prerequisites. It wasn’t great. I’ve struggled with math my entire life, so why I decided to throw myself into economics and accounting I still have no idea. My first quarter came and went and I found myself at the end looking at my grades and wondering what the hell happened. It wasn’t super awful, but it definitely was out of character. But it only got worse from there.

Pledging that I would just study harder and put my nose to the grindstone more than I did in the fall, I entered winter quarter with a fresh perspective and newfound motivation. I took the second level of the economics prerequisite, along with another math class and some kind of writing class. Within the first week, I fell back into the same funk I was in during the fall. I pretty much hated going to class because I knew once I got there, it was like learning a foreign language. I sat in the front, went to the study center every day, and spent hours on homework every night. I still wasn’t getting it. It was frustrating and took a huge toll on my confidence and I had a black cloud hovering over my head the entire ten weeks. I was failing every test and doing sub-par on homework and quizzes. I lied to my parents and friends about how much fun I was having at school when in reality I was rolling out of bed every morning dreading what I was going to do each day, which had very little variety outside of class and tutoring and homework. I trudged through that quarter, decided business wasn’t for me because I knew I was going to hate my life all through college, and just bucked up and studied my butt off through the rest of the quarter. I vividly remember getting out of my math final and crying tears of joy that it was finally over. But even that sweet relief wasn’t enough to cushion the fact that the worst was coming.

I ended the quarter with little hope for my GPA, and after finding out that I failed my econ class I thought all my dreams were over. My grades sucked and I guaranteed myself for a standards meeting within my sorority. My GPA kept me from getting a little, an internship I wanted, and taxed my role in my sorority heavily. I didn’t know how I would come back from what seemed like a huge failure, but time in fact heals all wounds and at this point about two years later, those first two quarters seem like lightyears away. Sure my GPA comes back to haunt me every now and again, but I have achieved so much in the wake of such a low point of motivation and confidence that I can’t help but be thankful for the lessons that year taught me, in all regards. I actually got my life semi-together that spring quarter, and focused on studying what I found fun and could throw my passion into. It wasn’t the path I thought I would take, and although I can still feel the weight of that year on my shoulders still, I have found a way to cope and understand that you really can’t always get what you want. That year threw me for the most major of loops but I really don’t think I would be where I am giving my all to school and feeling as confident as I do without the relationships I have built in the last two years.

If you’re struggling through something like grades or feel as though you aren’t achieving as greatly as you want to be, just know that life has many seasons and that opportunities to excel and feel on top of the world are waiting for you so long as you keep working hard. Time will heal any feelings of failure, and your friends and family are there to support you, as much as you might feel alone. Keep on working, and it will pay off, even if it takes a couple years.