I’ve been seeing a lot of writing lately pertaining to the matter of sexual harassment. Every day on my social media feeds, there is a slew of articles in which women tell the stories of what they have experienced. It disgusts me so tremendously to know that so many women every day have to deal with this. However, I am so, so extremely proud of every single woman that is speaking out about this matter, and so happy that more women are finding the strength to do the same every day.
Still, no matter how much we talk about it, no matter how tactfully we ignore it, and no matter how much we fight the training within us that says “Pretend it’s not happening!” and instead choose to fight back... nothing seems to be changing.
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Every morning, I still leave my home hoping to make it through just one day without hearing disgusting and degrading comments that make my entire body tense.
For so long, I just wanted men to understand what it’s like to live this way. I wanted just one male person to truly sympathize with how it feels to go through these things. I thought that if they could feel for us, things would change.
Now, I’ve realized that you can’t understand it, until it’s happened to you.
...until someone beeps at you and calls out “Whatcha makin’ me for dinner??” from their car as you are walking home with your groceries.
...until someone makes you smile by saying “You have a very nice dog,” while you are out walking your pooch, and then immediately rips it away by adding, “You got a nice ass too!!” after they pass.
...until a man looks you in the eyes and smiles a snake-like grin after shamelessly scanning your entire body up and down.
...until a man licks his lips, staring at your chest, while walking beside his wife and holding the hand of his daughter.
…until someone drives extremely slowly through an intersection, despite the fact that cars behind him are beeping, so that he can look you up and down while you are waiting to cross the street.
...until you go to a corner store on a Sunday morning, wearing pajama pants and a hoodie, and a man, having just walked out of a church, stops to whistle at you.
...until a man purposely stops abruptly on the sidewalk in front of you, so that he can pause, turn around, grab your elbow just tightly enough that you can’t move away, and look down your shirt as he says, “Oh, my bad!! I’m sooo sorry.”
...until on Halloween, a man asks you to take a selfie with him because “Your costume is sooo great!”, and wraps his hand around you just a little too far, and pulls you just a bit too close for the photo.
...until a man stops you on the street by standing in front of you, though you are clearly in a rush to get somewhere, asks you for your number, then after you simply say, “No” and slip past him, he shouts “BITCH!!” at you for everyone on the street to hear.
...until you stop jogging around your neighborhood because you are sick of every man you would pass staring at you, whistling, and making kiss-y sounds.
...until someone says “Hello” and you politely say, “Hello” back, only for them to then shout after you, “Oh what?? You’re too good to stop and talk to me??! FUCK YOU TOO, BITCH!!!”
....until a man follows you down the street for a block because he said “Hello” to you and you didn’t say it back.
...until the word “beautiful” makes you cringe because the lips of every man on the street that either shouts it at you or mutters it under his breath as you pass have made it sound so dirty.
It used to make me upset when the men I know would admit that they “just don’t get it.” It used to make me angry when they would say, “Don’t let it get to you like that. It doesn’t mean anything.” Looking back, I remember now that I used to think this way as well. So, I am no longer mad that I am not understood when I tell these stories. It does not make me upset that the men in my life cannot sympathize. Now, I see that you will not truly “get it” until it has been a part of your daily life for a matter of years.
Therefore, I am done trying to make anyone understand how it feels, because it is a losing battle. Also, I truly would not wish the experience that it takes to know this feeling on any other human being. It’s okay that you “don’t get it.”
What I need from you, and what every other woman in the world needs from you, is to recognize and address it.
I know that these stories are often not reaching the people they need to reach anyway. I can confidently assume that no man who so openly and shamelessly harasses women is reading any essay titled, "What It’s Really Like to be a Woman". And if they are capable to do the things they do, I know that they wouldn’t care if they knew the truth anyway.
So, I am asking something of my male friends, family, coworkers, and all others that will read this.
As much as I hate to admit it, we females have been seen as the lesser sex for as long as civilization has existed. All of the men in the world that still believe in these awful, archaic ideals will not change unless you, their male peers, stand up for us. These men should feel ashamed for what they do. They should feel as ashamed, if not more so, than we do when they treat us this way. They will not change unless you, the people that they respect, tell them to change.
Don’t let them get away with it. Don’t laugh at your friends when they do it “as a joke.” Don’t condone this behavior in any form. Don’t mention it once and then let it go. Don’t ignore it in order to avoid being a downer or becoming less cool, or less respected.
Practice having it on your mind as much as we have it on ours every single day.
Show your male peers that they don’t deserve your respect if they partake in harassing women. Tell them that it’s wrong. Make them feel truly bad for it. Make them feel disgusting and ashamed.
I'm not asking you to physically fight, just to speak out in a manner that can cause some change. It may not happen after one try. Keep trying.
This is a plea. From me, and on behalf of women everywhere.
As much as were are strong, smart, and independent, we have to admit that we can’t win this battle alone. We really need you.
Learn what it looks like. Recognize it. Don’t ignore it. Do something about it.
