Buying textbooks for college sucks. That is something that people across the collegiate scale can agree on regardless of gender, major, interests, or future plans. It is just downright terrible. As some famous dude once said, "Give me liberty or, ya know, at least give me a professor that doesn't require that $159.39 book... Please?"
1. "God, this is terrible."
Whether you're looking at them online or in-store, the staggering prices of textbooks is enough to make anyone instantly nauseas. Like, honestly, what the heck is going on with the prices? Is there really a need for that many zeros after the first digit? It's just ridiculous and needs to be stopped. It's theft in the simplest form, and god, I hate it...
2. "Am I even going to need this?"
Be honest, we have all had that thought. Skipping out on buying just one of the five books that professor is requiring isn't the worst thing ever, right? I mean come on! Five books is a bit ridiculous! (And before you rant about how you've only ever had two to three books assigned for a class, let me tell you that I'm an English major, and it is a tragic life.)
3. "I wonder how much a human kidney is worth?"
I can 100% see you getting ready to switch browsers to answer that question. Well, I'll save you some time and answer it for you. A human kidney is worth - approximately - $262,000. (Thank you, weird Seeker website for that strangely specific article titled "How Much Are Your Body Parts Worth?") But I know what you're saying. Me too. My first thought was, "I only need one to live, right?" I mean, with that kind of cash, you could be two, maybe three textbooks!
4. "Maybe if I just sit in the back of the class..."
Sitting in the back of the class may seem like a sure-fire way to avoid being called out by the professor, but honestly, you're chances are only about 50-50. In my experiences, professors don't discriminate on where you're sitting. The whole room is free game. So, good luck!
5. "Can I find this cheaper anywhere else? Maybe a dark web site?"
There's got to be some shady website - maybe eBay's dark counterpart! - that murders people in the middle of the night, steals their things, and then sells them online at a highly discounted price, right? No? Okay... Well, then! Moving on...
6. "I wonder if *insert class-friend name* will let me borrow theirs..."
Asking to borrow a book once or twice a semester is one thing, but asking to borrow it consistently throughout the semester is a bit ridiculous. It may get you out of buying the book for the first couple of weeks, but after that, you're totally going to get cut off! Think again, buddy.
7. "How much can I pawn this thing off on somebody for once the semester is over?"
I mean, I've thought it too, don't get me wrong. Of course, there's going to be freshman you can scam into buying your used textbook, as opposed to the one at the bookstore, but are you willing to carry that weight on your shoulders?
8. "Is this class *really* worth it?"
To put it simply, the answer is yes...
9. "I'll probably only use this thing like three times."
Even if you're right about this, and I mean honestly, you might be, is it really worth it to risk it? I'd go with no...
10. "Vote me 2020! My platform? Free textbooks."
Yes, free textbooks may seem a bit outrageous, but hey, it'd get you a lot of votes. There are thousands of young adults across the country that are suffering from these chains of textbook buying and they're ready to be freed!
11. "If I rent this book and something happens to it, will they take my first born as a payment?"
First borns are expensive, yeah, but so are textbooks, am I right?
12. "Bonfire at my house, everybody. Just bring cash for fuel, it'd be cheaper than buying this godforsaken books."
This thought is fleeting, yes, but it is still there and extremely painful.
13. "The author better be an actual descendant of God for how much they're charging."
Disclaimer: Divine Intervention Not Included With Purchase of Textbook.
14. "Ahhh, what a nice paperweight."
We all know that that nice science book is going to sit on the edge of your desk and hold down your worksheets. But hey, it's all fun and games, right? And, you know, money down the drain.
15. "This book is big enough to hide my shame behind. And that's saying something."
How are you going to carry this to class everyday? The answer is simple: you won't. It isn't typical that you carry your college textbook to class everyday, so that's a perk, at least!
16. "I wonder how many dried tears are in the used math books..."
Another simple answer to a sad question: a lot... Specifically, if you get the one I had my freshman year, then the answer is more than I'd care to admit... Moving on!
17. "God, I miss the graffiti-covered books from high school..."
They may have been ancient, way outdated, heavy, and covered with about a hundred tiny, doodled penises, but at least they were free!
