Oh, God. The bad days.

Suffering from anxiety and depression, life, in a sense, is like a game of chance everyday. You could wake up, with a great nights rest, ready to tackle your day. You're motivated, feeling positive, you really feel like your best self. You can go about simple tasks easily, and the harder tasks seem a little more likely to be managed. Those days are what you live for. They can come all the time, or they can come rarely, but they are always appreciated more when you see the bad days too.

The days that you wake up wondering why you woke up are the ones you remember the most. The days where you practically drag your feet to the floor off of your bed, and you gather up any ounce of strength and motivation just to take a shower. Let's not even talk about trying to face your day. The thought of having to bring yourself together to go to class, or work, or seeing your family and friends creates a knot in your stomach the size of a softball. Picking up the courage to sit through your 9am science class, or to catch the train to work for the day, is like running 10 miles up a mountain. Not to mention the shaking, the uncontrollable shortness of breath, the jitters, shivers, and stomach and headaches. Your bad days seem nothing less than absolutely Herculean. You think there is no way you are going to get through this, let alone wake up again feeling this way. This negative hold above your head makes coping, or trying to look past the struggles you're facing, impossible. Any glimpse of positivity given to you either from yourself or the people around you that love you, isn't hopeful. Nothing seems to make them better. Until you wake up the next day and realize you're still alive, you're still breathing, you are safe, and you are going to kick another day's ass.

The good days make the bad days easier. They really do. They make you see the light in the dark. They give you the hope you need to keep killing life everyday. If there is anything I have taken away from the bad days that I face a little too often, it is to keep going. Don't look down, and don't look back, just keep pushing forward. You can do it, you can face every day day life throws at you. Every single time you think that you can't get past this, you can't move forward, remember all of the times you did. Remember all the times you were convinced you wouldn't make a comeback, and then you did. As long as you always remember that you are and always will be stronger than your illnesses, you cannot lose. Go tackle your bad days, and your good ones too.