Have you ever found yourself so caught up in an argument that you can’t think straight? I know I have. Now, as a fairly level-headed person who avoids conflict, it doesn’t happen to me often. However, on the occasion where I do find myself neck deep in conflict, I have to find ways to resolve it. There are many different recommended methods I’ve heard of over the years, some of which seem to work quite well.
One method I enjoy is the idea of stepping back, taking a break to calm down, then stepping back in to calmly talk it over. I don’t know about you, but when I get upset, I tend to clam up, so this method works particularly well for me as it gives me a chance to gather my scattered thoughts and calm my racing mind. This method, one I like to call “Sit down, Shut up, and Think,” seems to work well for many different types of people. It may work best in situations in which you find yourself unable to properly communicate your thoughts to your opponent as a result of anger or frustration. However, if you are the impatient type or are unable to calm down in the midst of an argument, this may not work for you.
For all those who feel “Sit down, Shut up, and Think!” would not work well for them, here is another method to try: mediation. Mediation is when you bring in a neutral third party to monitor, lead, and moderate the discussion to prevent escalation to violence, shouting, or just plain chaos. This method may work particularly well for the volatile types as it allows you to focus on something other than the argument. A mediator will ask questions in a calm manner and assist in finding a solution. Many people have a tendency to exert more control over themselves when in the presence of others, and the presence of a neutral party may invoke this feeling. For all those out there who find themselves incoherent with anger and unable to calm down, I would suggest mediation; like music, a calming presence may soothe the savage beast.
For all those out there who have trouble fully verbally expressing themselves, another method that may work for you is writing. Like “Sit down, Shut up, and Think,” this method requires you to step back and gather your thoughts. What separates the two methods is the final step: rather than speaking, you would write a letter to your opponent. This letter would explain your side of the argument, your feelings, and propose any solutions you see. For all those out there who favor writing over speaking, this is the method for you. Writing a letter allows you to fully form your thoughts and edit your argument so you don’t wind up saying something you will regret. While it may seem impersonal and ineffective on paper, this method truly works. By allowing yourself time to consider your thoughts and feelings before expressing them to your opponent, you will be able to avoid hurt feelings and possibly reach a solution quickly and efficiently.
In our diverse and interconnected world, conflict is truly unavoidable. Many people attempt to avoid conflict by bottling up feelings and opinions; other actively seek it out by displaying aggressive behavior. No matter which category you fit into, one of these methods is bound to work for you. If it doesn’t, then there is most likely a deeper issue underlying the superficial. In this case, I can’t really help you. Good luck with that.
P.S. I am in no way, shape, or form a licensed counselor. Do not take my advice for a guarantee.
