A phrase that I've been trying to live by for the past year or so is, "I can't complain about having a full plate when my goal was to eat." Mainly, it helps me to not view my situation from a pessimistic view.
There are so many good things about my situation. I'm going to my dream school, in a major that I love way more than I ever thought possible with friends who support me through everything I could imagine. I'm in multiple clubs and organizations that I support and that help build my future.
But, I'm tired. I don't hate my life and I don't want to go home or drop out, but I have an extreme tendency to overload myself. As a perfectionist, I love to put as much as I can into everything I do.
I have so many projects going on right now, and I'm not completely passionate about all of them. Between work, school and having a social life things are getting to be a lot. I'm spreading myself pretty thinly and I can't put enough of my effort into everything I do, so the outcomes aren't exactly what I want, making it hard for me to actually go through with things. I'd rather not do something at all rather than do it badly.
In other words, the reward doesn't match the amount of effort that I'm putting into each of my activities. I have a classic case of burnout, and it sucks majorly.
My internal dilemma right now revolves around the fact that I desperately want to do my best at everything I work on, but there's simply not enough hours in the day for me to get everything done. I hate quitting, but my brain is telling me otherwise.
Coming to terms with the fact that there simply isn't enough time in the day to do everything I would like to is a weird feeling. I know the "hustle" is important, but so is my sanity. School is my main priority, and if there's something that affects how I'm doing or that I feel isn't as important, I'm not going to risk it.
The biggest lesson I've learned in the past few years is to trust your gut. You're your best judge. At the end of the day, you really only have to answer to yourself, so make sure you're doing what makes you happy.
Nothing's worth losing yourself, I promise.
