"Coming out of the closet."

I do not like this phrase. Why is there a need to "come out"? What am I "coming out" of exactly? I can understand the need to tell friends and family, but why is there this "closet"?

My best bet is, this closet is heterosexuality. The apparent social norm. The box we are trapped in before exiting into acceptance of ourselves. That yes, we are queer. It is not a closet because homosexual men dress "better" than straight men or any of those stereotypes. It has nothing to do with outward appearance but inward feelings and attractions to others. Clothes and appearance do not define one's sexual orientation, or even gender for that matter.

Informing my loved ones that "hey I'm not super attracted to men" is an uncomfortable situation for me. And it does not really help that I do not really feel that need to tell people, because what is there to tell really? I am not attracted the same way society has been telling us. And I am not the only one.

Honestly, I just have no clue how they (my friends, my family, my acquaintances, the guy I buy chocolate croissants from at OMM that I barely know) would react regardless of how long or how well I have known them. I have already have the stigma planted in me that the way I love and feel for other people is wrong. Because religion, politics, economics, society, media, and so many other forms have formed their own opinions, laws, and regulations on how love and attraction should work and play out. I have already accepted the fact that I will not have the "American family" of a white picket fence with a husband and two kids (never mind the fact that I do not really want kids, but hey I could probably still have a white picket fence). I have already accepted the fact that I could lose loved ones over the way I love.

I do not want to have to go through the process of "coming out", the anxiety of how people will react, the stumbling over my words because I do not know how to say that I am queer. I just want to be able to find love and introduce them to the world without fearing the reaction of others. That I can bring a man or a woman to meet my family without them having to ask or question who they are. Because yes, I have friends that are men and I have friends that are women, but that does not mean I automatically like them.

I do not like the phrase or the concept of "coming out of the closet because I see it the same as any other relationship but maybe we are the same gender, what does it matter? If we return feelings why do we have to struggle with the religious, political, economical, and social backlash?

I do not want to "come out of the closet" because I would rather burn it.

*No closets were harmed in the making of this article