So, you're a little afraid the end times are near? I'm not judging. That's a perfectly reasonable fear between climate change, the threat of nuclear war, and Reba McEntire being Colonel Sanders. So...what are you going to do about it? No, don't write to KFC! I meant what are you going to do about the end of the world? It's obvious, isn't it? You're going to build a shelter! (Begin at Section A)

A) So, you've bought a secluded little cabin in the middle of the woods. It's nice, rustic, vaguely haunted. At least, it gives you that vibe. It's not enough to just have the cabin, though. No, what self-respecting doomsday prepper would settle for just a simple cabin? You have to secure it. (To begin securing the inside of the cabin, go to Section B. To secure the outside of the cabin, go to Section C.)

B) You go inside of the cabin, drill in hand.You hear an ominous whisper coming from below the rug in the middle of the floor. You, like any self-respecting person, roll the rug up and investigate. There's a trap door leading to a basement that was definitely not mentioned by the real estate agent, a fellow who is looking more and more demonic as you remember him. To be fair, he was a real estate agent. (To enter the trap door, go to Section D. To do the smart thing and do literally anything else, go to Section E.)

C) You stare at the cabin for a good, long time. You don't know how to work with your hands. What are you even doing here? You're just some idiot who wanted to look tough in front of your friends and brag about having a bug-out place. As you consider this sad reality, you are randomly struck by lightning. (Go to Section Z)

D) You dumb fuck. You wander down the stairs, a snake-like whispering in the air. The staircase seems to go on forever. Eventually, you reach the end. All there is to be seen is a stone pedestal with a leather-bound book on top of it. Both are precariously lit by a spotlight that you have no idea as to the origin of. (To open the book, go to Section F. To get the hell out of Dodge, go to Section E.)

E) Good, you did the smart thing. Took you long enough. You begin to use the drill to reinforce steel bars around the windows. As you work at that, you notice a precarious reflection. There's a man standing behind. Oh no...it's worse than that. It's not a man you're seeing in that white suit and bow tie. It's her...Reba. You quickly turn around to face her.

"I've heard you've been talking shit about my 11 herbs and spices," she says as she wraps her hands around your throat. You try to respond, but your wind pipe is cut off. Everything begins to go black. (Go to Section Z)

F) You open up the book, begin reading it and...oops. You summoned the Eldritch Gods. Really, you should have seen this coming. You and the whole world are consumed in a flurry of Lovecraftian terror. Hope you enjoy having all your sanity sucked out by a lizard-bat, with an octopus head. (Go to Section Z)

Z) Well, looks like building an end of the world shelter was a pretty stupid idea.