You know Build-a-Bear Workshop? The workshop where you, like, build a bear? I used to go to that store all the time. Well, not all the time “all the time”… just during a lot of birthday parties and times where I physically dragged my mom into the store, begging for a new pair of shoes for my teddy.
I recently returned the home of teddy bears as a twenty-year-old. As my best friend and I strolled into the store, we felt a little out of place.
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Though the entrance of the store (the iconic yellow and blue entrance) hadn’t changed much, something was a little uncanny about the entire experience. So much was recognizable but something was uncomfortable about the entire thing. Here are a few ways that Build-a-Bear Workshop is just a little off.
1. Who the hell are these new “bears”?
We went over to the drawers where all of the polyester bear carcasses were waiting to be stuffed. Honey Girls Viv, this bear that may or may not be shipping off to war in a few days, and this Iron Man bear were just some of the few over-designed bears. Amongst the neon, rainbow, leopard printed stuffed ones, we were, luckily, able to find a classic teddy bear.
2. They’re not as expensive as my mom pretended they were when I was in the third grade
I remember the stuffed animals costing a fortune. Somehow, our little bundle of joy only cost $12. That’s only a four-hour shift at the lemonade stand!
3. No, I don’t want my bear to have my voice
Going to stuff a bear is the highlight of the trip. You can make a wish on a heart (our’s got two because we were co-parenting our little bundle of joy) and decide how soft you want your bear to be. Now, you can shove a voice recorder up your bear, too. The store attendant asked us if we wanted to record our own voices or have a recorder that sings Silentó’s “Watch Me.” We chose neither.
4. My bear is filthy
After our bear was brought to life with some polyester stuffing, we headed to the bath. The bath was nowhere to be found! How were we supposed to brush our fab new baby and make sure that she’s the cutest bear to ever hit the streets of upstate New York? The workshop even had the audacity of selling brushes. We used one from off a display, just so our bear’s hair would look just right.
5. Does my bear really need panties?
I’m not sure of the primary reason for underwear, but I think it has something to do with keeping your genitals off of your pants. Stuffed bears don’t have genitals. Why do they need satin panties or boxer-briefs? I’m still confused.
6. Who has this foot?
As we dressed up our new bear, we soon realized that she could barely fit into the clothes. Sandals didn’t quite fit its feet and t-shirts fit our bear like crop tops. Even if our bear was a little over-stuffed, we loved her just the same. We just wish the clothing selection was little more body-positive.7. Don't gender this plushie, please
Even though we just dressed our bear in a hella-cute outfit of jean shorts and a tiered tank top, we were still thrown at assigning our baby a gender. We decided on "girl" since we primarily shopped in that section.
8. Kids and their social media...
In this Workshop there was a new station where new parents were encouraged to take pictures with their stuffed animals. Like all new parents, we were just waiting for our child's social media debut. In fact, our bear made its first public appearance the same day that Saint West did. Great minds think alike, Kim.
9. "The capitalist claptrap of building and clothing your bear and then building and clothing a micro bear for your bear"
This all-too-accurate heading is quoted from my teddy's co-parent. After buying our bear a tight outfit, a headband, and glasses, the checkout line offered us something ridiculous. We could buy and clothe a tiny bear for our original bear to hang out with. Like... will our bear get lonely without its own teddy bear to sleep with at night? What about its bear? How many tiny bears will fill my room until everyone is happy and fulfilled with friendship?
Even with all the strange changes, our trip to Build-a-Bear Workshop was worth it.
Presenting our baby:
15 inches, 6.5 ounces, with brown eyes and cream fur. We love you!
