I'm currently single and have been for a long time. It's not necessarily by choice, but I'm not out there constantly searching for a new man in my life every chance I get. If 15 year old me could somehow see how I've been living now, then she would be enlisting the help of sites like POF, OkCupid, or even eHarmony. She, at age 15, would rather be dead than be an "old maid" of 25. Want to know the crazy part? Throughout my time in college I tried all of those online options. I went on coffee dates. I met guys and even had a few different boyfriends. Want to know the most mind-boggling bit yet?

I wasn't happy with any of that.

All the guys who messaged me on the online dating services only wanted casual sex, which I wasn't into. I went on coffee dates, and as soon as the coffee was gone, those guys too wanted me to give them more than a kiss goodnight, if you know what I mean.

As for my first boyfriend, he was sexually abusive, took advantage of my emotions, and was incredibly manipulative. So, to be completely honest, I cheated on him with a guy who was 17 years older than me who also happened to be married and in and out of jail for domestic battery. Worked out pretty well for about a month because my boyfriend left, except then the guy I was having an affair with committed suicide. So needless to say, I was done.

The me at 25 years old knows now through all of my life's experiences that boys can wait because there's someone I was neglecting this whole time on my quest to find love.

Me.

I was so willing to compromise my moral compass, give in to what boys wanted in order to exchange sexuality for love, and throw away everything that made me beautiful; I became desperate. I gave up my beauty in order to be ugly, and in doing so I demanded love in return. The problem with that is nobody wants to love something ugly; ugliness erases humanity and replaces it with beastly qualities.

So, what now? What do I choose instead of making the same mistakes I've made before? What do I do instead of hunting for boys?

I make lists.

I write things down because I have things to do that I don't want to forget. I also have dreams, and I want to work hard to protect them from the risk of slipping out of my train of focus. I might even have sub-lists related to an item on one of my lists, which might then note step-by-step how to accomplish the original goal.

Making lists is a fun and healing way to assess my goals and measure my progress in life. It can also be a healthy way to let off some steam. It can sometimes be the creative exercise that I need to bust through my writer's block, which is always helpful.

I'm a well-practiced list maker, and I sometimes can get overwhelmed by things. I cope with my feelings of being overwhelmed by choosing every day, bucket lists over boys. I know that's what I need to choose right now. That doesn't mean it will be the right choice forever. So how could you cope with a bad breakup, academic disappointment, or other source of despair?

Make a choice; choose your bucket list before boys.

One list to try is writing down every grievance you've experienced that day, but be careful with this one. Encouraging negative thoughts to continue can tend to breed more negativity. Another list you could jot down, to combat the negativity, is to make note of all the highlights or positive parts of that day. Yet another idea is to make a list of songs you love to listen to that will help you get motivated to rock your day.

The thing about making a playlist is that it's only one idea that utilizes self-care. Self-care means basically taking care of yourself, not just physically but also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. If you try these lists, or if you come up with your own, keep this in mind too: you are the author of your own list. You can edit, delete, or revise any time you want to. Why? Because you have more than permission. You hold the pen, you write the words, and they are yours. You and you alone decide who to share them with, and whether or not you share them at all, you are the author.

The good part about the lists you make is that, because you are the author, you don't have to keep them to yourself if you don't want to. Once you share your list, even if it's only with one person, then you'll always have something to talk about. Another good thing about sharing your list is that when you choose to share it with someone, yes you become vulnerable, but you also are allowing yourself to become held accountable.

Whether it's a grocery list, in which case you have to answer the simple question of, "Did you remember to grab _______?", or if it's a bucket list dream goal, you have somebody to check in with about your success, struggles, and stories along the way! That's something not everybody has, and it's quite honestly a gift.

If I could go back to when I was younger and re-do my life, I know exactly what I would choose to do. I know what would've helped me when looking back, and what works now. I know, and every day I make a choice. Every day the choice is there, and every day, as of late, it's always the same.

I choose bucket lists before boys.