Growing up, many of us are praised for our good deeds, good choices, accomplishments and so on. Because of this, I think many of us become afraid of failure. I'll be the first to admit I fell into this category.
As an only child, my parents always treated every action of mine like it was breaking news. Don't get me wrong, I loved having not just one but two biggest fans at every band concert, competition, award ceremony, play, dance recital, etc. growing up, but it made me wonder how they would react when something didn't go my way, or what they would say when I failed. (Author's note: They still love me. Shout out to mom and dad for not disowning me like 12-year-old me thought they would).
When I said something I shouldn't have, or did something I shouldn't have, I began to justify my actions at an early age to avoid feeling guilty for poor decisions. I lived in this bubble of success for all the little things; when I made a choice that was less-than-stellar, I just ignored it and that in itself was failure.
I failed myself, in a way. I refused to admit I wasn't perfect and when I made mistakes, like every human does, I didn't react in a healthy, normal way. I thought about it for days and thought of all the ways I could've done better. Self-reflection is healthy. Kicking yourself in the ass for days at 15 years old for getting a C on a test is not.
I was a part of the most amazing Orientation Team this summer and I really learned a lot. I was taught the amazing skill of feedback (Yes, Megan, I'm looking at you) and I quickly learned that others viewed me as someone who was, for lack of a better term, uptight or someone who never truly loosened up. Rather than ignoring this, I accepted it (which was a personal victory). I began to realize that I held myself to an unbelievably high standard and it actually hindered me from fully enjoying myself and my time in college thus far.
I've seen myself grow exponentialy in the weeks and months since that crazy summer, and I can honestly say that being completely honest in every facet of my life has proven to be one of the best decisions I could have ever made. Letting myself say "no" when I really don't want to do things, admitting to myself when I am being unnecessarily harsh to someone, and allowing myself to make mistakes in general has been so freeing and definitely something I should've started a long time ago.
Be 100% honest with who you are no matter what. In the wise words of DJ Khaled, "Don't ever play yourself."
