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11 Quotes From 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine' That You Need To Hear Right This Minute

Try not to laugh too hard, Scully.

Emily Henrichs

Jan 30, 2019

Illinois State University

478

Instagram

"Brooklyn Nine-Nine" is one of the hottest new comedies facing television today, with quirky characters, amazing humor, and a plot that only gets better with time. The humor of this show cannot be stopped, providing fans around the globe with quotes that keep everyone laughing. Here are some of the best quotes from the Nine-Nine.

"Let me tell you something about Tinker Bell. Tinker Bell is a loyal lieutenant and a real thorn in the side of Captain Hook."

Good ole Tinker Bell!

"Look, I didn't spend the last seven years watching your love ripen, only to have it sullied by a city hall wedding. You're getting married right here, right now."

Charles is the ultimate BFF!

"My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot."

I love fun facts!!

"Are you blackmailing me? I don't have any money, Hitchcock. I'm still paying my uncle's funeral bills. I rear-ended the hearse. It was a mess."

Good one.

"He should already think you're great. Like with my dad. He doesn't need me to prove to him that Jake Peralta's the best cop in the precinct, he knows it."

What. A. Guy.

"You're useless. You are completely useless. You are, without a doubt, the most incompetent detectives I've ever seen. And I am including that bomb sniffing dog that humps all the bombs."

Sad stuff, my dudes.

This conversation between the best buds

Boyle: I know you think my judgment's clouded because I like her a little bit.
Jake: You doodled your wedding invitation.
Boyle: No, that's our joint tombstone.
Jake: My mistake.

"Hell, yes. It's like a Bonnie Raitt concert in here."

PARTY TIME

"Yeah, I'm my own worst enemy."

What a mood.

"If anything happens to Jake, I'll never forgive myself. My last words to him were, "No, you're the man."

You ARE the man, Jake, but it would be sad for those be the last words you hear from Charles.

"No, there's no one in my life. wink Sort of a sad thing to wink about, I realize now."

Sad stuff, man, sad stuff.

"Brooklyn Nine-Nine" is hilarious, and I highly recommend you watch it!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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11 Quotes From 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine' That You Need To Hear Right This Minute

Try not to laugh too hard, Scully.

In This Article:

"Let me tell you something about Tinker Bell. Tinker Bell is a loyal lieutenant and a real thorn in the side of Captain Hook."

"Look, I didn't spend the last seven years watching your love ripen, only to have it sullied by a city hall wedding. You're getting married right here, right now."

"My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot."

"Are you blackmailing me? I don't have any money, Hitchcock. I'm still paying my uncle's funeral bills. I rear-ended the hearse. It was a mess."

"He should already think you're great. Like with my dad. He doesn't need me to prove to him that Jake Peralta's the best cop in the precinct, he knows it."

"You're useless. You are completely useless. You are, without a doubt, the most incompetent detectives I've ever seen. And I am including that bomb sniffing dog that humps all the bombs."

This conversation between the best buds

"Hell, yes. It's like a Bonnie Raitt concert in here."

"Yeah, I'm my own worst enemy."

"If anything happens to Jake, I'll never forgive myself. My last words to him were, "No, you're the man."

"No, there's no one in my life. *wink* Sort of a sad thing to wink about, I realize now."

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"Uh? Eating? Am I Eating? Yeah..."

"Oh, yeah. I've been eating super healthy"

"Sorry, I can't talk! I'm studying!"

"I aced my final! No worries!"

"My grades? Uh..my professor hasn't updated them in awhile.."

"Everyone failed that test. Not just me!"

"I go to class literally every day. I'm NEVER late"

"I really try to just spend money on necessities.."

"No, I didn't call just to ask for money.."

"I'm feeling really motivated about the coming semester.."

"I'm really right on track to graduate"

I'll be there for you.

1. MONICA: Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it!

2. JOEY: You can’t just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?

3. JOEY: Here come the meat sweats.

4. WILL: We started a rumor.

RACHEL: What rumor?

PHOEBE: Oh, come on Will! Just take off your shirt and tell us!

5. ROSS: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.

SUSAN: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don’t let you do it.

6. PHOEBE: Come on Ross, you’re a paleontologist. Dig a little deeper.

7. JANICE: OH… MY… GOD!!!!

8. CHANDLER: WHOOPAH

9. JOEY: Well, I’m sorry if I’m not a middle-aged black woman. And I’m also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition.

10. JOEY: Hey, Ross, I got a science question: If the homo sapiens were, in fact, HOMO sapiens… is that why they’re extinct?

ROSS: Joey, homo sapiens are people.

JOEY: Hey, I’m not judgin’!

11. PHOEBE: If it’s a girl, Phoebe. And if it’s a boy, Pheebo.

12. CHANDLER: Hold on, there’s something different.

ROSS: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.

CHANDLER: Was that place the sun?

13. JANICE: 15 Yemen Road, Yemen.

14. JOEY: Paper… Snow… It’s a ghost!

15. JOEY: Is it obvious I’m wearing six sweaters?

16. PHOEBE: THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION!

17. JOEY: What’s not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? GOOD.

18. JOEY: It’s a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It doesn’t matter. It’s moo.

19. PHOEBE: Oh I wish I could, but I don’t want to.

20. CHANDLER: Condoms?

JOEY: We don’t know how long we’re gonna be stuck in here. We might have to repopulate the world.

CHANDLER: And CONDOMS are the way to do that?

21. ROSS: PI-VOT! PI-VOT! PI-VOT!

22. JOEY: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.

23. PHOEBE: Je m’appelle Claude.

JOEY: Jet aplee blooo.

24. CHANDLER: I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

25. JOEY: JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD.

26. JOEY: I swear to god, Dad. That’s not how they measure pants!

27. ROSS: You could not be any more wrong. You could try, but you would not be successful.

28. ROSS: So, uh, what did the insurance company say?

CHANDLER: Oh, they said uh, “You don’t have insurance here so stop calling us.”

29. CHANDLER: Gum would be perfection.

30. JOEY: Look at me! I’m Chandler! Could I BE wearing any more clothes?

31. MONICA: My motto is get out before they go down.

JOEY: That is so not my motto.

32. RACHEL: Oh are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress?

33. RACHEL: Hey, just so you know it’s NOT that common, it DOESN’T happen to every guy and it IS a big deal!

34. JOEY: How you doin’?

35. JOEY: That’s right, I stepped up! She’s my friend and she needed help. If I had to, I’d pee on any one of you!

36. MONICA: Fine! Judge all you want but married a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell in love with a gay ice dancer, threw a girl’s wooden leg in the fire, LIVES IN A BOX.

37. RACHEL: Go tell him he’s cute. What’s the worst that could happen?

MONICA: He could hear me.

38. PHOEBE: But they don’t know that we know they know we know!

39. PHOEBE: Smelly cat, smel-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smel-ly cat, it’s not your fault.

"No, there's no one in my life. wink Sort of a sad thing to wink about, I realize now."

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