Journal Entry:

November 21, 2016.

I am wrestling. One hit to the face the next a blow to the chest following a nasty hit in the stomach. I am left breathless.

But this isn't a physical fight, it's internal.

My bones are dry, my body aches. I am longing.

But what? What am I longing for?

I have tasted and seen your goodness. I have walked with you in the darkest moments, yet, I still run.

How might I get off of this rollercoaster and find my peace within your soul?

My inner being says It's no longer worth fighting for, but you say it is. And I have believed in you for so long that giving up would mean everything I fought for this far would have been worthless.

So I will keep fighting. I will win. I will sound the trumpets of success.

Not for myself, but for you.

You see, when I wake I can't help but smile knowing that your mercies are new, but when the night comes I falter thinking the mess life has piled on me is too much.

I sleep. I wake. And I do it all over.

Jesus,

Will you pull me to shore? I am in too deep. I went in with the intention of doing good in your name. But I looked back. I lost myself in the waves and ended up circling in the current. Will you pull me up for breath, I promise I will go back in.

Your daughter.