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My Ex Broke My Heart, But The Moment I Realized It Was HIS Loss, I Finally Found Myself

I learned my self-worth, I gained the confidence that my ex had destroyed, and I had learned what I was looking for in a partner

Ashley Denton

Jul 22, 2020

Albany, NY

176

My Ex Broke My Heart, But The Moment I Realized It Was HIS Loss, I Finally Found Myself

Mitch Cregar

Have you ever been hurt so bad that you felt like you were kicked down to the ground and just stomped on, left on the pavement, and then just watching as the person who did that to you walk away and never looked back? Metaphorically of course…

You see after my last relationship, that is EXACTLY how I felt. I had never been so low in my life. After a few months of "healing," I felt anger and resentment and I honestly just wanted a guy to know how it felt. How it felt to love someone soo much and then have it ripped away from them. I wanted them to know how it felt to feel so broken!

Months went by and I eventually was over him; I finally felt like I was "ready" to date again. I started talking to a few cute guys and things went well until I would feel this little thing in my gut that was telling me:

"Leave him before he has the chance to break your heart and leave you."

So that's exactly what I did… I did this to a few guys because every single time I would get close to one of them, I would hear that little voice. What I didn't realize is that I was doing exactly what my ex did to me, to them. Once it all finally clicked, I felt like the sh****** person on earth because I know how it feels, and, yeah, I said and felt some things out of anger, but I never intended on hurting innocent guys for how my ex treated me.

I left the "dating game" for quite a bit because honestly, I just wasn't ready… No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that I was, I knew deep down that I just wasn't there yet, and honestly, that was the best choice I could have possibly done for myself.

During this time I learned my self-worth, I gained the confidence that my ex had destroyed, and I had learned what I was looking for in a partner. There is a part of me that still hates myself for what I had done and I think I will always carry a little bit of guilt for that, but, because of that, I had realized who I am and my actions did not show my true character because that is not me.

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Student Life

Things I Am Actually Going To Do This Semester

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New year, new semester, not the same old thing. This semester will be a semester to redeem all the mistakes made in the previous five months.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

Let's face it, last semester you woke up with enough time to brush your teeth and get to class and even then you were about 10 minutes late and rollin' in with some pretty unfortunate bed head. This semester we will set our alarms, wake up with time to get ready, and get to class on time!

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And so it begins.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

Camping out at the library is not for the faint of heart. You need to go in as a warrior. You usually have brought supplies (laptop, chargers, and textbooks) and sustenance (water, snacks, and blanket/sweatpants) since the battle will be for an undetermined length of time. Perhaps it is one assignment or perhaps it's four. You are motivated and prepared; you don’t doubt the assignment(s) will take time, but you know it couldn’t be that long.

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December... it's full of finals, due dates, Mariah Carey, and the holidays. It's the worst time of the year, but the best because after finals, you get to not think about classes for a month and catch up on all the sleep you lost throughout the semester. But what's worse than finals week is the last week of classes, when all the due dates you've put off can no longer be put off anymore.

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The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

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Thanksgiving break is over and Christmas is just around the corner and that means, for most college students, one hellish thing — finals week. It's the one time of year in which the library becomes over populated and mental breakdowns are most frequent. There is no way to avoid it or a cure for the pain that it brings. All we can do is hunker down with our books, order some Dominos, and pray that it will all be over soon. Luckily, we are not alone in this suffering. To prove it, here are just a few of the many deranged thoughts that go through a college student's mind during finals week.

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"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

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I know every college student has daily thoughts throughout their day. Whether you're walking on campus or attending class, we always have thoughts running a mile a minute through our heads. We may be wondering why we even showed up to class because we'd rather be sleeping, or when the professor announces that we have a test and you have an immediate panic attack.

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My Ex Broke My Heart, But The Moment I Realized It Was HIS Loss, I Finally Found Myself

I learned my self-worth, I gained the confidence that my ex had destroyed, and I had learned what I was looking for in a partner

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Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

What does the world outside the library look like?

Can I read this entire book tonight?

I should have gone to class more often.

Did the professor even teach this?

What is the lowest grade I can get on this exam and still pass the class?

Should I just drop out of school now?

Finals are ruining Christmas.

Just wrote three sentences so time for a break.

Need. More. Coffee.

What is sleep?

I'm too stupid for college.

Brain hurts.

Time for a Facebook Break.

I think I'm dying.

When will I ever need this information in the real world?

I can't read any of my notes.

I need my mom.

When was the last time I showered?

I need study snacks.

The struggle is so real right now.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

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