In my last article, I wrote about heartbreak and how it was either a mistake or a lesson learned. I sided with the lesson learned, because categorizing heartbreak as a mistake would entail that it was regretted in some way.

José Martí, "A people that entrusts it's subsistence to one product alone commits suicide."

I saw Martí’s words as a reaffirmation that happiness is truly an inside job. I believe happiness is a lifestyle and a mindset; it survives or deteriorates based on an individual’s choice. Yes, fellow humans, we have choices, we always have choices to make or not. It is your choice (laughs – no pun intended there). We, us, humans, have the choice and free will, even when it seems that there is no choice, we always have a choice to make. For example, the choice between peace and anger, the choice between reacting to a situation, or not, the choice of oranges over bananas, or of one brand name item over another. Think about how many decisions you make per day from the moment you open your eyes – what to eat, what to wear, to get out of bed or not, etc.

Now, while in an intimate relationship, and this applies to all intimate relationships not only heterosexual, the moment you entrust one person with your happiness, to entrust someone to make decisions on your behalf, you lose control of self. Self, here is defined as the way you stand as an individual; much like in self-help or self-made, just in case you do not know what I mean. Their decisions impact you and your happiness, your decisions impact your significant other and their happiness. Not everyone can make good decisions, and I have always been a firm believer of what is best for me. What is best for me is not what is best for my significant other, or vice versa. Some of you might look at this and say she’s a control freak. You think what you want, but I have been in enough situations with people I had entrusted with my happiness, and I realized that for what I want out of life, doing so is not in my best interests. I no longer want to depend on someone for happiness, someone who can come and go out of my life as they see fit. I no longer want to depend on someone for happiness, especially one that makes terrible life decisions – ones that impact me too. I no longer want to depend on someone for happiness, who is not happy with themselves.

Broken -- six letters. It does not sound like something that I would want to be associated with, but after depending on those said individuals, I recognized I was broken. Someone once told me that there is no shame in being broken because it is a sign that you once loved. Così è la vita. That's life.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines broken as:

1. violently separated into parts: shattered – broken windows
2. damaged or altered by or as if by breaking: such as
   1. having undergone or been subjected to fracture; broken leg
   2. not working properly; broken camera
   3. of land surfaces: being irregular, interrupted, or full of obstacles; a long broken ridge
   4. violated by transgression: not kept or honored; broken promise
   5. discontinuous, interrupted; broken sleep
   6. disrupted by change
   7. of a tulip flower: having an irregular, streaked, or blotched pattern especially from virus infection
3. 1. made weak or infirm; his old, broken body
   2. subdued completely: crushed, sorrowful; broken heart; a broken spirit
   3. bankrupt
   4. reduced in rank; was broken from sergeant to private
4. 1. cut off: disconnected; spoke a few broken words
   2. imperfectly spoken or written; broken English
      
      
5. not complete or full; a broken bale of hay
   
   
6. disunited by divorce, separation, or desertion of one parent; children from broken homes; a broken family.

People think that love breaks us. Heartbreak after all is the result of love gone rogue. But, love is not the feeling I felt before I was broken. Sadness, hurt, betrayal, and frustration; those were the feelings I had felt, not love. The lack of love is the result of this brokenness. This all had me wondering, Did I choose to be broken? Did I choose to fortify the walls I had built all these years? Were the failed relationships I had experienced a justification for my trust issues? Am I choosing to have trust issues? Was I allowing all of this to happen? Was I choosing to act this way? One thing I do know, is that I choose not to believe in being in love anymore. I believe love exists, don’t get me wrong. However, I do not believe in being attached to someone so much as to feel broken when they are gone; as to feel incomplete when they feel that being in my presence no longer suits them. Is that sort of attachment really a way to live? One day people are there, the next they are gone, so why would I attach myself to someone in that manner? I am a firm believer of live and let live. Unconditional. If you want to be in my presence, great, if not, that is great too!

Infatuation and lust often gets confused for love. This is well known information. Also, loneliness gets hard to bare and companionship is comfortable. Do we choose to feel lonely? Are our expectations getting in the way? After all, Ms. Turner is right, what’s love got to do with it!? We are social beings – we cannot thrive alone. Being in love is such a fairy tale, it's straight out of a page of a Nicholas Sparks book. Roses and chocolate. Candlelit dinners. He says and does all the right things in the perfect moments. She says and does all the right things in the perfect moments. Fireworks and sparks flying. Sounds like a cheesy romantic comedy. Life is not scripted. Please do not mistake me for being bitter – I truly believe in love. I define love differently, but I am not bitter. Love is seeing past all the flaws, and all the bullshit, it is about still admiring and respecting that person despite their imperfections. It is about loyalty to them even when they don’t say the things you want to hear. Or, even when you do not see eye to eye on various things like what toppings go on pizza, or how coffee should be prepared.

I have been altered, changed in a way that I would never be able to return to my original state. And, I am okay with that. I do not feel bad at all for not returning to my original state because I love who I am. I enjoy being in my own company, and am grateful for all that I have learned. I do not feel incomplete or disconnected, weak or subdued. And, anyone who does feel this way upon a break up, please, I hope you find it in yourself to take a step back and realize it may feel that way, but it is impossible to be incomplete. You are a whole person – with a lot more knowledge about yourself and people than you had before. I see it as life having been disrupted by change – figuring how to live without someone who once had a huge impact. So, what if being broken, is fighting against change? Going against the grain of what is supposed to be. Change does not always come easy, we have all been there. It is not as easy as changing one’s clothes or hair color. Change sometimes vibrates your very core and either alters your perspective positively or negatively. Change is not always for the good, I know, I get it. When it comes to heartbreak though, I do not see any good in being with someone who keeps running away from commitment, or does not want to be around. Why chase someone or beg someone to love you? Why beg someone for their attention? If they are not willing to give it to you, that is not on you, it is on them. If they cannot love and accept you for who you are, for what you bring into the relationship, then why fight it? People come and go, and some people have a problem holding promises and telling the truth, I have learned these a long time ago. Holding on too tight is not in my best interests. Live and let live.

One Love.