It's safe to say I have been with a lot of guys in my life, but I never actually felt like any of them were Mr. Right. I have never had the feeling of "right person, wrong time," but I have had the wrong person at the right time. And, for a little while, I felt like maybe he was the right person. Sad to say, he TRULY wasn't the right guy... but he was what I needed at that moment.
So, I'm gonna tell y'all a little story about me and a man we shall call Landon.
Landon and I practically grew up together, we went to middle school and high school together. He saw me through my preppy phase, emo phase, and all the awkward moments in between. I always had a small, minuscule crush on him in middle school, however, it wasn't until my junior year of high school that we both realized our feelings for each other and became a "thing."
Some of the best relationships start from a rebound.
Yes, he was a rebound. I had just gotten out of an "on-again, off-again relationship" that was terrible for my mental health, and with all my past issues with depression and anxiety, I felt even more worthless and unloved than I did prior to being in the relationship. Landon was always there waiting for his turn with me.
So, I gave him a chance after leading him on for months prior.
He was always there ready to give his shoulder if I needed hug or to cry after I had a panic attack. Or ready to cuddle and watch a movie with me any time. He was patient, kind and most of all, made me feel loved. He was perfect all the time... or at least that's what it felt like.
He was exactly what I needed in order to find my happiness on my own.
He broke me. Plain and simple. He went to another girl, and they dated for about a year. I was heartbroken, completely, and utterly shattered. I went through all the possible reasons he could've done this to me. Knowing, how difficult life was for me at the moment, how depressed and anxious I was all the time.
Why couldn't he have chosen me?
For once, why couldn't someone choose me?
But, then I realized...
How could he have chosen me, when I had never chosen to love myself?
I would stand in front of the mirror and rip myself to shreds with all these hateful words about my appearance. It wasn't until I had chosen myself that I learned the real reason he was put in my life.
If I'm being honest, it wasn't until this very moment that I realized why he was in my life. He was there to put me back together and show me that I was worth love and to show me that I was that I am, smart, beautiful, and talented. He was there to show me I needed to truly love myself first.
If you are a girl who is struggling to find her worth:
I beg of you, do not look for it in a man. Look for it in yourself, and you will find that love will be a lot more beautiful. The next time your sweet heart breaks, it will feel a lot less broken.
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