My family’s favorite pastime is gambling. Not the “we might lose our house” type gambling, but you know… Some families like bowling, some families like camping, and we like gambling. Winning money is good times! However, if you frequent the casino as much as we do, you know these 10 things to be true.
1. Walking into the casino is like stepping into a giant ash tray.
Do I smoke? No. Does anyone in my family smoke? No. Does the grandma by the door with oxygen tubes in her nose and a lit Virginia Slim give a crap? NOPE! She’s just here winning some money and smoking the rest of her life away doing it, so you keep walking and pray lung cancer doesn’t spread like the common cold.
2. Finding a lucky coin is amazing.
As you make your way deeper into the casino, if you come across a coin of any kind, you know it’s about to be lit. As my mom says, “If you see a penny, pick it up, and all the day you have good luck.” (P.S.A.: That saying doubles at the casino.)
Coming across a left behind 23 cent ticket is nice, too.
I like thinking of it as a gift from the money fairy.
3. The bartender knows you by name.
If you’re 18, sorryboutcha. If you’re 21+, you know the drill. You head to the bar before you sit down to gamble, and you hit up your BFF bartender Rachel. She makes the greatest cocktails around, and (the best part) she recommends new drinks to try.
Unless you’re boring and just want beer, then she’ll simply pop the top and send you on your way.
4. The best machines feature your favorite celebrities and/or TV shows.
You make a beeline for your favorite Britney Spears machine and hope to goodness no one else sits in front of it. You turn the corner, and the money gods bless you with an empty chair. You sit down, put your money in, and you relive childhood as Britney serenades you in all her sparkly outfits.
5. You talk to the machines.
You sing along, in hopes Britney will show you the money. You gently pat the side of the machine and give her a few words of encouragement (or silently cuss her). Nonetheless, five minutes later, she took close to all your money, but as she stares down at you from the top of the slots, you can’t help hitting the button just one more time.
(Pun intended.)
6. You have rituals for when you need a little extra luck.
You want to stay with Britney, but you need something to change up the juju. My dad likes cashing out his ticket, and then putting it back in the machine and/or changing out his player cards. In addition, some people modify the vibe by giving the machine’s screen a quick massage, kiss, or even a lick.
Whatever works for you.
7. When the machine plays your favorite song...
But then it happens. The slots spin, and spin, and suddenly, you have a screen full of Britney. You scream at the top of your lungs, your favorite song signaling the big win blares, and everyone around turns like you’re the person whose phone went off during the A.C.T.
(Guilty. *wink*)
8. You make unexpected friends.
The little lady on the next machine over congratulates you, and you wish her good luck, as well. She shows you pictures of her cat(s) and her grandchildren, and then you small talk as you both continue playing, and you share jokes and laugh about how great (or how horrible) the machines are doing.
9. If worse comes to worst, you can always people watch.
Lost in conversation with your new bestie, you realize you played back all the money from your big win. You let out a sigh, cash out your ticket, and say goodbye to Britney and Grandma. You’re a B.F.L. (Big Fat Loser), so you wander around slowly, looking for the next interesting machine, while looking at the most interesting people you ever see in public, aside from the State Fair or Black Friday.
10. You always cheer on the person next to you.
With little hope, you sit down at a random machine, but you still have no luck. On the other hand, the man next to you goes to a bonus round. You clap for him and cheer him on because at the end of the day, we’re all one big, broke family, and we stick together...
During the best times and the worst.
Embarrassingly and ironically, I left for the casino in the midst of writing this article. However, if these 10 things are at all relevant, I trust you don’t judge me. You know as well as I do when the free play calls, you answer.
Good luck, my fellow casino-goers, and may the odds be with you!
