A Brief History Of The Universe | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

A Brief History Of The Universe

An educational piece and a thrilling story.

332
A Brief History Of The Universe
Pexels
FOR OPTIMAL READING EXPERIENCE, YOU ARE ENCOURAGED TO PLAY
THE LINK HERE
IN THE BACKGROUND.

- - -

It has come to my attention...

...that a lot of people don't seem to know anything about this, our, world's history. I'm not here to make fun of your IQ like I have in the past, nor to tell you about how the Mars rover needs to stop sight-seeing and get back to its job. This is a completely serious article, meant purely for educational purposes because a lot of people apparently think that the world began with dinosaurs and will end with the extinction of humans.

The history of our universe goes back further than Egyptians, it goes back further than dinosaurs, heck, it even goes back further than dolphins for crying out loud, and there's an absurd amount of significant events to cover. Unfortunately, I only have so much time and so much word space per article, so I'll need to shorten down the near-immeasurable timeline to just

"In the beginning, the Universe was created.

This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." (Douglas Adams)

The immediate causal events following the birth of the universe were a series of failed attempts at life, including (but not limited to) single-celled organisms, sentient dark matter entities, and the Jackalope. Unfortunately, all these attempts and experiments suffered from the same one or two problems: they either lacked sufficient intelligence to pass the IQ bar of understanding Ayn Rand novels or could not survive the harsh environment of open space. Only a single organism survived the constant creation and re-creation of creatures in a miasma of molecules flying around wildly: the blue whale.

You heard it right. The blue whale was the first ever creature to survive longer than 0.00002 seconds and was (and remains) hyper-intelligent to the core. Following its genesis, the blue whale floated through space, thinking, speculating, "What is the meaning of life?"

Eventually, the miasma of molecules at the center of the universe, around which a blue whale was now floating aimlessly, created another anomaly: a great ball of fire. Two years into the universe's existence, the first star was born.

The remaining molecules, which the first star did not swallow in its immense heat, continued to form planets, nebulae, other stars, and entire galaxies. The blue whale, after five more years of orbiting its solar companion, left on a journey to answer its question, "What is the meaning of life?" and possibly find other blue whales to discuss the quandary with, as the only intelligent beings in the universe. Since its departure and up until the date at which you, the reader, are reading this article, the blue whale has yet to be found and is thought to be continually exploring new reaches of the universe, perpetually lost for an answer to its infinite question.

From the time in which you're reading this (roughly 200,000 years into the human race's lifespan,) blue whales are a semi-common occurrence in various oceans' depths on planet Earth. Unfortunately for you, you have likely been deceived into believing that you belong to the most intelligent species on Earth, and possibly in the universe.

As you can likely guess, this is completely incorrect.

Humans, while geniuses in their own right, are only second to the most intelligent organisms this world has to offer. The average human IQ remains at 100, while a blue whale exceeds two million (2,000,000) at birth, only to grow exponentially as they mature.

This marks the beginning of our universe's protagonist: the blue whale.

Despite being a brief history, this will be a multi-part series due to the sheer size of the universe's lifespan. Worry not, I'll cover as much as I can or as is important to cover. Until then, try not to feel threatened by the blue whale's massive intelligence-- they are actually rather compassionate creatures.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

2166
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

448733
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

21208
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Moana's Top 10 Life Tips

"Moana" is filled with life lessons that involve far more than finding true love as many other Disney movies do.

44285
Animated image of a woman with long dark hair and tattoos
StableDiffusion

1. It's easy to be fooled by shiny things.

Digital image of shiny gemstones in cased in gold. shiny things StableDiffusion

Tamatoa created a liar filled with shiny things simply for the purpose of tricking fish to enter and become his food. He too experiences a lesson in how easy it is to be tricked by shiny things when Moana distracts him by covering herself in glowing algae so Maui can grab his hook.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments