Over the past week and a half, I have struggled to piece together an article for the LGBT+ community. I want to address concrete ways it can positively engage with the evangelical church, however, it has been difficult to decide exactly what I would like to say, and to whom. There are many within the LGBT+ community who want nothing to do with religion, and many more who are still working through the complex issue of harmonizing with their faith. I want to respect each of these individuals and their journeys. I feel uncomfortable demanding something which my peers may be unwilling or unable to give at this time. I believe they deserve time and space. However, I know that there are many around me who desire to bridge the chasm. For these people, I feel there is a great need.

We need to be more understanding and patient. We too must work to listen.

I’ve been guilty of ignorance throughout my last two years as an affirming Christian. I allow pain and frustration to belittle those with whom I disagree, often viewing them as heartless monsters. In reality, behind every traditionalist there is a series of convictions equally as complex as my own. Ignoring these beliefs, or worse, demanding their unquestioned rejection, bars all forms of progress. Rather, we must grow to understand those with whom we disagree. Not merely as a manifestation of “know thy enemy” tactics, but out of compassion for those struggling among their convictions or unaware of the pain they inflict. I cannot deny how difficult, even impossible, this may seem. Likewise, I cannot deny the power of this compassion and its necessity. Though we must not delegitimize our pain, we must work to understand the convictions of our ideological others to better communicate with them and confront the true core of the issues at stake.

I have been guilty of impatience. I expect immediate and overwhelming change in the thoughts and actions of my friends and family. Meanwhile, it took nearly six months to reach my first point of LGBT+ affirmation, and the following year and a half to think as I do now. Expecting this kind of change to occur overnight, or even at the pace I personally experienced, is not only setting up for disappointment but also unfair. I gave myself ample time to work through my convictions, anxieties, and confusion. Everyone else deserves the same. This is not to say we must be patient under hopes of inevitable acceptance. I fear the toll of disenchantment which would follow. Or that we must be “patient” in the sense of merely waiting in total passivity for change to occur. Rather, out of our attempts to understand the convictions of “the other” we ought to likewise grow a sense of patience as we realize the difficulty they may face in growing and changing. I too once required patience from others, and I must learn to grant it in return.

Those who desire to help heal the lines of communication between Christians and the LGBT+ community must learn to listen. I know I did. Even as we work and fight for our rights, our safety, and our happiness, if we are to “bridge the gap” we must also grow in understanding and patience. I do not feel comfortable demanding this of everyone. However, I feel that I must demand it of myself. I do not merely want to be right, I hope to influence my communities through the dual citizenship of being a gay Christian. That requires work. It is never easy, though I believe in my life it will always be necessary and ultimately lead closer to the world I desire to see.