Anixety, more appropriately known as vacation, or relationship, or let's just be honest life ruiner. The first step to healing anxiety is identifying which type of anxiety it is that you have. Anxiety can present it's self in many ways. For some it is constant worry, for some it is impatience and getting agitated in long lines or traffic jams so acting out by yelling or screaming, for some it is phobias.
But for me, I have full-on panic disorder. Knowing which form of anxiety you suffer from is crucial in finding relief. They say that panic disorder is usually caused by a traumatic event in your life. Panic disorder is the type of anxiety in which you suffer from panic attacks, one little small thing scares you and you will get so scared that you have a full on panic attack feeling as if you are dying.
Panic attacks are different for everyone. For me my heart begins to race, my left arm will start tingling, I unknowingly stop breathing and as a result I become dizzy. Sounds become distant background noise and to talk feels like its running a marathon. And they always seem to come on at the worse times. Like while driving. Every weekend, I make a nine-hour drive to visit my husband. And every week, I take the same route, there is an area I drive through where there is absolutely no phone service, no stores, no nothing for miles. I start asking myself in my head where the closest hospital is or trace of humanity, a store something! I will pull out my phone and try to google it but wait, I have no service. There comes the panic attack!
I was not always like that, though. I used to be fearless never afraid of anything. Until one day my husband and I were drinking with people we did not know that well. Turns out they thought it would be funny, because I was a person who never did drugs and took pride in that, to put something in my drink. When you have never done any drug and a trip hits you unexpectedly, it is a very scary experience.
My vision began to blur as I looked at my husband and told him I didn't feel right. As I said the words they sounded like someone else was speaking them. I left my body for a moment and was looking at myself and my husband from a distance. My legs felt as if they weighed a trillion tons and I could not walk or move. I begged my husband to get me out of there which he did. He took me home tried to convince me to sleep it off but I was convinced that if I went to sleep I would not wake up. I began writing goodbye letters to everyone. When I finally came down about eight hours later. I was still shaken for a few days. Loud sounds, sudden movement ffrightened me to no end.
To this day, I never found out what it was in my system. But this is what caused my panic attacks. Out of nowhere, I would be at school, or at work, and I would start living the same trip over again like a song on repeat. I went to the doctor they prescribed me Xanax. However, when the Xanax made me tired it triggered a reoccurring trip also. I took a Benadryl one night for my allergies and the tired feeling made me go back to that same trip all over again. So I stopped taking any medications altogether. I would be at work and have a little chest pain or a head ache and be convinced I was either having a heart attack or stroke.
The good news is there is relief once you know what kind of anxiety you have. The reason why Xanax made it worse is because I do not suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and was not being treated for the right condition. There is a big difference between anxiety and panic disorder. The bad news is that once you suffer from panic disorder panic attacks are inevitable. I believe in the power of prayer but some do not. I pray every day to be healed from this but I still suffer.
However, I know what my panic attacks feel like which is a good thing. Because now when I feel one coming on I ask myself, did I make it through the last one? Yes, I did. And I am still here. What sucks is that once they come on whether you want it to or not, it's happening. They usually last about a half hour but if you know what it is you can tell your self you're ok. Take deep slow breaths in through your nose and out your mouth and just remind youself that in thirty minutes this is going to go away. I live through them every time. I am ok every time. Im not dying, my heart is beating I am ok.
You have to tell yourself this to get through it and take deep breaths but you will survive the panic attack. It is very exhausting afterward but you will survive. You don't need medications you just need to identify them and embrace them. You have to learn to breathe yourself through it and talk yourself down. Feel your heart beating, feel your breath breathing and just ride through it like a roller coaster. It too shall pass. They do not last forever. You will be ok I promise.
The first step is identifying a panic attack and getting to know it. Once you know that's what it is and that you are not dying it will make your life so much easier. Once you get though that stage you will be able to experience life so much more and step outside your comfort zone. Will you be afraid? Of course, you will. You have panic disorder. But you know that you will survive. if you spend your life in constant fear then you are not living.
Life is too short to not live it to the fullest. Just do it. Yes, you may have a panic attack when getting on that roller coaster, or that plane, but hey how many panic attacks have you already survived? Just add another one to the list and keep on going! Afterward, you can say you did it! What an amazing feeling.
