When I was 12 years old my cup size went from a 32 B/C to a 34 DDD. That is a giant leap at 12 years old that is a huge size, I felt like I wasn’t me anymore I was just my boobs.
Through middle school and high school one of the main things I heard was “your boobs are huge” I can’t count on one hand the amount of times that someone asked me if I knew how big my boobs were, I'd been called big boobs countless times. Anytime anyone showed an interest in me my friends were quick to tell me it was only because I had big boobs.
Shopping for bras was a nightmare. It was a sea of beige and black with straps as wide as two fingers half of the time. I spent eighty dollars on one bra that I wore daily. I wore a normal bra and a sports bra everyday, and for soccer practice I wore a normal bra, and two sports bras.
My life seemed to be ruled by my boobs, and I always thought it was because I was fat. It had to be because I was fat, so I told myself I would start running and they would go away because I didn’t want to have surgery. But I never started to run and they didn’t go away, then the summer going into junior year I lost 20 pounds out of nowhere and they were still there but they seemed to be getting bigger. I was spilling out of my 34 DDD but I refused to go get a new bra it would be fine they would go away.
I learned to hide under shirts that flowed rather than hugging tight to my body and under hoodies and oversized sweaters. I learned to live with the constant headache and the pain in my shoulders that made me want to cry, and I learned how to blend in so I wouldn’t be noticed and that was my life. Constant headaches and hiding in the shadows. I hated looking in the mirror because I don’t know if you’ve ever seen natural boobs at a 34 DDD but they aren’t perky and where they are supposed to be. I was incredibly self conscious and I didn’t like the attention I didn’t thrive off of it like most girls.
But on July 24, 2015 at 18 years old I went to see a very nice doctor who proceeded to tell me that I was at a higher risk for getting breast cancer and that the constant pain that I was in could be fixed almost instantaneously. I remember telling my ex and all I remember was him getting really sad about it and trying to convince me not to, and I almost listened to him because I had only ever been seen as my boobs. What if no one thought I was attractive anymore when I didn’t have them. Because I = My Boobs. So after a year of debate and some self convincing, on May 23, 2016 I walked into the surgery center at 6:45 am. I had a very nice nurse put in my IV and take my vitals, I had my doctor come in and draw all over my boobs. And I was walked over to the freezing cold operating room and laid down on a table where I talked about wanting to save the elephants. Then I was awake in recovery and I was having my pajamas put back on and being given goldfish as my mom came in to take me home.
And my neck pain was gone and my shoulders were relaxed and I immediately felt like a million dollars. When I finally got to take of my surgical bra I went crazy buying cute new bras, I showed my new boobs to anyone who would look (within my immediately family and friend group) I didn’t care that there was blue glue holding them together or that I had gnarly red scars underneath that, because my confidence went up tenfold. I love my new boobs and what they did for me. I stare at them in the mirror everyday because they are perfect even with the scars and I want to buy a whole new wardrobe that I never would have thought of wearing before and I don’t hear about how big my boobs are anymore and I don’t have my friends telling me to flash cops to get out of tickets. And life is so much better.
So don’t be afraid to do what you need to do to make yourself feel beautiful again.
