I truly believe that going through a breakup has made me a stronger person. But, breakups hurt. There are tears, anger, confusion, and hurt, but I got through it and came out stronger. There are so many things in this life that will hurt you, but what matters is how you handle them.
I had never felt my heart the way it did when I went through my first breakup. This confused me because I had been through much worse things than a simple breakup, but I realized why it had hurt so bad. It hurt because I thought I was loosing someone who I had poured so much time and emotion into. I thought he was feeling the same way I was and I thought that everything I was willing to do for him, he would be willing to do for me. Finding out that someone you care about so much doesn't care about you in the same way hurts. It hurts, but as my Granny Angel says, "Life isn't fair" and once you accept that fact and decide that no matter what happens in life you are going to get back up and make the best of it, life gets a whole lot better.
Surprisingly though, I got stronger than I ever thought possible after my breakup. I found myself and found my worth. I have always had sass deep down inside of me and I like to think that I can hold me own against anyone, and I think every little girl has daydreamed about pulling a Carrie Underwood and "slashing all 4 tires" and "carving your name into his front seat" to get back at a stupid boy for crushing your heart. No, I didn't go trash my ex's truck, but I realized that I had the confidence in myself to say I am not being treated the way I deserve so I am going to leave. This doesn't mean I was being treated in a harmful manner, I am talking about how I was not being pursued.
This word, pursued, is a weird word; it means "tochaseaftersomeoneorsomething". A boy should be pursuing you, chasing after your heart continually, just like Christ chases after our hearts. I felt like I was putting a worth lot more effort into my relationship than he was, and that should not be. Yes, relationships take work, but an equal amount for both people. I realized that this was not the case in my relationship and I wanted to fix it, but I had also come to peace with the fact that we might break up.
I cried, sometimes I couldn't stop the tears, and I got mad. I had built up a picture in my head that we would eventually get married, and this is what I think was the hardest thing to let go. After feeling bad for a week or so I wiped my tears and decided this was no way to be. I am a strong girl, who has Jesus on my side, and tons of friends who support me. I remembered Proverbs 19:21, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." God's plan will always win in your life. He has someone out there who will stand besides you and hold your hand through life. Someone who loves Jesus, and will make it his mission to love you and pursue the way God intended a man to chase after the heart of a woman.
I cried and it stung, but I have come out on top. I know who I am and why I am here. I do not need a boy to tell me who I am or that I am pretty, I already know that. (Of course that always feels good, but I do not NEED it) It took a break up for me to find my confidence in myself and know exactly what I am looking for in future relationship. Breakups suck, but when you come out stronger, you can learn so much about yourself and who God has made you.
