Breakups suck.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way lets take a look at the mental imbalance we experience trying to be in a romantic relationship with the opposite sex.

When you first breakup there is a lot of emotion gong on in most woman. She is hurt, angry, sad and depressed; she questions what went wrong, how she could fix it and what she could have done differently that screwed everything up. She thinks changing the slightest detail would have setoff a series of events that would have led to you both being together at this very moment instead of her fantasizing about ways to get her love back. Mostly, she feels like no one could ever love her and no one ever would.

Whats going on in minds of most men? Nothing. "I'm free. Thank god its over. The stress is gone. No more fighting. No more having to "work on the relationship". Freedom! I can't go out with the guys all I want again! I can play video games day and night whenever I want again! I don't have to be guilt tripped when I want to go do fantasy football instead of spending time with her! My time is my own again and I can do NOTHING if I want! I don't have to answer to anyone! I'm my own man again!"

Ladies and gentleman you are seeing the most primitive difference in the thought of opposite sexes. One has so much emotion they don't know what to do with it and the other has none. Despite that they were both present during the relationship and were both major players in why it just didn't work out, only one feels guilt, where the other feels relief. (Ironically, the one who typically feels relief is usually the who deserves the guilt but that isn't designated based on sex).

Lets fast forward a few weeks shall we?

Since the breakup, your average female has sat alone in her personal space watching movies or reading books or doing some kind of hobby that keeps her mind off of her ex. She has taken turns telling each friend the same version of what happened as well as each new development she mentally makes each day, just to help her get through it. Most of the time their reactions are he same BUT it feels really good to talk about, even if she sounds like a broken record. With each replay she heals more. Every day that passes she discovers more light coming through the dark windows of her mind. She finds joy in things that she had put aside and she starts feeling her laugh becoming genuine again after not hearing it for a while or faking it just to avoid suspicion. Fun is coming back into her life and she is on her way to a full recovery. Her fear of being alone the rest of her life is almost a comfort at this point, at least when you are alone no one can hurt you.

How is he doing? Well lets see, he went crazy, enjoying every ounce of his new freedom. He even met a cute girl or two, even though he might not have been looking. But no, he wasn't interested in giving up his freedom so soon after getting it back! No leggy blonde or buxom brunette was going to interupt his peaceful schedule. Besides they just weren't the whole package. If he was going to be with anyone it would be with someone who was an upgrade from his ex. Without all the annoying communication and neediness. He has been reveling in his boxers playing Call of Duty while eating whatever he wants; occasionally going out with his friends when they weren't stupidly spending mandatory time with their girlfriends. Sometimes they all hangout in a group and he notices how silly it is that they have to be together all the time. He leans back on the couch and stretches his arm across the back only to realize its kind of awkward to do that to a buddy and not his girlfriend......... he slowly puts his arm back by his side. He'll forget all about it when they go do their fantasy football league. Except he is reminded again when some of his friends don't show up Sunday night because they are spending the night home with their girls. He can't wait to go home alone.

Now we get to the third and final stage of the breakup! The end result is exactly the same as the beginning. Why? How is that possible? She was devastated when they broke up! Heartbroken and damaged! He was living it up to his standards doing whatever he wanted. She was miserable and he was relieved.

Cut to a few months later: she is dating someone new. He is sweet and charming, caring and great at communicating. She likes him because he has all the qualities she knew she liked from being with her ex but more importantly, he has none of the qualities that she didn't like. She no longer feels incapable of being loved. She now knows that she can always pick herself up and keep moving forward, never knowing what is right around the corner in the near future. And the bonus? Her new boyfriend doesn't make her feel as though she is settling for less than everything she ever wanted in a man. Its a modern day fairy tale.

Incredibly enough, he can't say the same. After overdosing on his freedom and exhausting every resource to the point where he is now bored with life, constantly being told his friends were busy because they were spending time with their significant others and seeing how happy they were together when they would all go out together. He is now kicking himself for letting her go. Missing the way she would rest her head on his shoulder. Missed hearing from her every day, even if it was just texts about silly things that made her think of him. It was better than not hearing from her at all.

He hates being alone, wishing she was there, maybe sitting on the couch next to him eating wings in her yoga pants while they watched football together. She looked great in yoga pants. Now all he has is a few strands of hair he pulls off of his favorite sweatshirt, leftover from the last time he saw her.

He now takes turns telling each friend he screwed up and doesn't know how to get her back. He resents his freedom, if she would give him another chance he would give her all his free time. He is hurt, angry, sad, depressed and full of regret; he questions what went wrong, how he could fix it and what he could have done differently that screwed everything up. He thinks changing the slightest detail would have setoff a series of events that would have led to you both being together at this very moment instead of him fantasizing about ways to get his love back. Mostly, he feels like no one could ever replace her and no one ever would.

Now she is the one relieved and he is the one miserable.

The tables turn in relationships between men and women. This may not be 100% true 100% of the time, but often enough where you would think, by now, we would have figured out how to avoid this process. But maybe its best we learn the hard way? Perhaps, the hardest lessons to learn are the ones that become the most important?

Maybe the lesson here is to learn to not only want the things you can't have.