I'm the girl who broke her own heart.

That sounds bizarre, doesn't it?

Why would I admit to breaking my own heart; actually how is that even possible? But here I am, admitting that I, in fact, broke my own heart without a second thought. To be even more honest, I broke my own heart and continued to break it time after time without even realizing what I was doing.

Every time I begged a guy to stay.

I have spent my life just wanting to be loved. Maybe part of me felt like if a guy didn't love me, then I couldn't love me. So I stayed in a relationship even after I knew it was over; after I knew I wasn't the one he wanted anymore. I broke my own heart begging a guy to love me when he wasn't capable of it anymore.

Every time I stayed in friendships that weren't good for me.

I found friendships I thought I wanted and needed. I went out and did things that I knew I would later regret. I watched myself begin to change just so I could fit in with a new crowd and I started to lose pieces of myself in the process. I broke my own heart trying to be someone I'm not.

Every time I put others before myself.

I have spent my life trying to take care of everyone else around me. Whether it was my sister after my parent's divorce, or a friend going through a breakup. I have always done whatever I needed in order to take care of those around me that I care about. I broke my own heart by allowing myself to be walked all over.

Every time I let myself believe that I would never be good enough.

When I was told over and over again that I would never be good enough, I began to believe it. Every time I got a bad grade back, I told myself I would never be smart enough. And every time someone close to me left, I told myself it was because I would never be good enough. I broke my own heart when I believed I wasn't good enough.

Every time I lied and said "I'm fine" when I wasn't.

Taking care of everyone else around me has caused me to constantly put my struggles and insecurities aside even when that was the last thing I should be doing. If I was having a day where my depression was so bad I couldn't breathe, but my best friend found out she failed an exam, I would ignore my mental health in order to make sure she was okay. I would put on a smile and say "I'm fine" to keep the lie going that I had it all together. I broke my own heart in refusing to take care of myself.

And the moment I realized I didn't love myself.

It doesn't matter how many guys couldn't love me or how many friendships ended up being toxic, nothing broke my heart more than the moment I sat in my room crying because I didn't love myself. I watched as I lost pieces of myself and found myself wishing all of the pain would stop. I broke my own heart the moment I ran the glass across my wrist time and time again.

I wanted so badly to be loved and included that I have constantly found myself trying to become someone I'm not. I have listened to other's tell me that I would never be good enough and I have let people walk all over me with no care in mind what I may need at the time. So in my short time on this earth, I have started to learn that real love and friendship won't break your heart for their own gain. Putting other's before me doesn't make me brave or loving, and believing I won't ever be good enough is bullshit.

I am a young woman who is worth so much more than being a stepping stone. I am a young woman who is tired of breaking her own heart. I may have no idea who the hell I am, or what I'm doing with my life, but I know that I deserve to be happy and I deserve to love myself.

I am DONE breaking my own heart.