In every relationship, you ask yourself questions like, "do I see things going long term?", "does long distance actually work?", and "are they the one?"
It’s no different when it comes to your parents.
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At some point in every child’s life they must experience “The Talk” with their parents. (No, not that talk…) The break up talk. The ‘I think we should see other people’ but ‘let’s be friends’, ‘it’s for the best’ talk.
The breakup usually occurs around when you first leave for college, move out after graduation, or set out to build a family of your own. As I’m sure you’ve found, breakups are a highly emotional time and must be dealt with delicately, so give your parents the same courtesy you’d want when delivering the news.
A breakup doesn’t have to mean a clean break. You can ask for space, stay friends, or try long distance. Whatever form of “breaking up” meets the needs of your current parental relationship, these steps can help.
Step 1: I just need some space.
We’ve all needed space at some point. After a while the constant questions about grades, weekend plans, and the complaints about the cleanliness of your room, get to feel a little suffocating. It’s easy to look at leaving for college or moving out as an escape but what it really is, is an excuse to get that much needed space. Let them know this isn’t goodbye its ‘see ya later’.
Step 2: It’s not you, it’s me.
Now is not the time to play the blame game. You aren’t breaking up BECAUSE of your parents; you’re breaking up FOR your parents. Leaving the nest is all about proving to the people that raised you that you can indeed fly. So yes, you’re leaving to start this next chapter of singledom and independence for yourself, but you wouldn’t be able to take that leap if it weren’t for your support system.
Step 3: It’s for the best.
Who are you trying to convince? Whether you’re the one reassuring your parents that it’s the right thing, or they’re the ones giving you the extra push you need, it really is for the best. You’ll never know what you can do unless you try and even if your parents seem hesitant to let you go, they truly do want to see you succeed on your own.
Step 4: Let’s be friends
This is arguably the most difficult part of breaking up. Once it’s all said and done and your miles away, finally on your own, remember who it was who helped get you there. We learn a lot from our past relationships and the relationship you have with your parents definitely teaches you the most. So let them be friends with you on Facebook and visit for parents weekend. Invite them into your life, but don’t forget that now you’re officially ‘single’.
Breaking up with your parents can be hard but it’s for the best. Moving on may take some time but new opportunities will help you along. Being on your own will allow you to make mistakes and learn from them.
No matter how difficult your parental break up may be (either on your end or their's) they will always be your biggest fans. The relationship you have with your parents will go through it's share of break ups and make ups as you both grow and learn, but you will gladly go along for the ride.
