No matter what, breakups suck. They just do. Sadly, it is a fact of life. If you have ever broken up with someone, you know this first hand. However, if you have ever broken up with someone right before you left for college, I'm sure you've heard the same thing repeatedly from everyone.
"Breaking up before college is the best time for it to happen."
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Well, for someone who was broken up with right before college, I have to admit something. THIS IS SO WRONG. I completely disagree with this statement. I cannot tell you how many people have told me that exact line. Their reasoning is that now you have a time to meet new people, get your mind off of it and not have to worry about someone back home. While this may be true for some, I know it is not for me, and I know it probably isn't for many others.
Many believe that high school relationships are not going to last into the college years. It may be a true statistic for the most part, but there are those who make it. I thought I would be one of those people. Unfortunately, I was wrong. But when you have that mindset throughout your senior year, and then it doesn't happen, it comes as a shock. Especially if you were in a long term relationship. All of the sudden, you don't have that constant in your life anymore. In a time of transition into a new place, new atmosphere and new people, you no longer have that one constant who can make it all better. When you are struggling with classes and making friends, or even if you are having an amazing time, there is no longer that one person you want to tell. You no longer have that support system, and that really sucks. When in a relationship, you probably talk to your significant other everyday. I did for about two years. Now, I don't have that one person who I talk to everyday. Everything around me is new, and who I talked to everyday was the one thing I did not want to change. But it did.
It hurts that in a time of change, I will not experience it as closely with someone. I will not experience their change, if that even makes sense. I will not hear all of the stories they experience in college or who all of their new friends are. They will not know about all of my stories or about who all of my friends are. This may be insignificant to some, but I find it very important. A breakup right before college eliminates that closeness with someone. Now, you literally are alone. Not only do you lose a significant other, but you lose a best friend. The one person who knows everything about me and always knows what to say or do, is no longer there. So, what happens when there is an issue? Who can I turn to? No one I have just met can support me like that. I wish they could, but there just isn't that trust or closeness yet.
While many say it is a good way to start college, I think it's a crappy way to start college. Not only do you lose that main support system, but now you are sad going into the "best four years of your life." No one wants to start off their college career feeling constantly down and sad. By breaking up right before college, you are given no time to try to get over it or to try and heal. You are left heart broken when you are supposed to be having the time of your life. It is just another added stress to your already stressful first year of college. The first few weeks of college are important and you need to be positive, social and outgoing in order to make friends. Going into school depressed and not wanting to do anything is not helping. It's hard to make new friends who can help you get over your ex when you are depressed and don't even want to go out.
Breakups right before college also don't give you that needed time to hang out with your best friends to watch movies and eat ice cream. All your friends are getting ready to go and spending time with their families in their final days home or have already left for school. Sure, you have your new roommate or suitemates once you get to your school, but how much can they really help when they don't know the situation or your former significant other? Then again, a good unanimous, "We hate him/her" from your new friends, even when they don't have any context, is not going to ruin your day.
The other part about how horrible this timing is is the whole rebound factor. Your friends may try to help you get over your ex by finding someone new. I personally hate this ideology. While trying to get over someone, I do not want to be thrown into another situation when I am already in a vulnerable state. This can lead to becoming attached. You need to give yourself time to heal, and it is hard to do that when you are finally "free" at college. It may be hard to not rebound since that romance is something you may crave, but just try to focus on making friends and becoming happy again. However, it is also not enjoyable to watch your ex rebound or fall for someone new, especially if it is not long after the break up. But even if it is six months or a year after you break up, it still hurts to know they no longer feel that way about you. This is especially bad with social media today. Any time you want, you can look up your ex on social media and see all that they are up to. Try not to look, especially if they are in photos with someone new. This may be one of the worst parts about this happening before college. Chances are, your ex did not tell anyone about you. So, seeing them moving on so quickly is going to hurt, and knowing you can't do anything about it hurts even more.
Many people may think this is the best time, but I really don't. Don't let someone try to tell you how to feel. I know they may be trying to help and have you think on the positive side, but sometimes, it just isn't helping. For all those people who are going through this right now, know you are not alone. Stay positive, and I will try to take my own advice as well.
