If you google the word "anxiety," Dictionary.com would give you this definition: astateofapprehensionandpsychic tensionoccurringinsomeformsofmental disorder.

Anxiety looks different for every person it affects. For me, anxiety was a thick cloud that developed around June 2014 during a difficult season. It was a worry, a nervousness, that remained in my thoughts constantly. Some days I assessed myself because I couldn't even remember where the worry was stemming from; even if I didn't find a cause, it remained. For me, anxiety looked like irrational frustration over anything that made me look less than perfect. It looked like stress eating; it looked like crying because I burned something in the oven, misplaced my beanie, or before bed at night. It looked like obsessively setting seven alarms night after night to eliminate the possibility of oversleeping or checking numerous times to make sure my doors were locked. For me, anxiety felt like an itch or a fidget; it felt like an occasional electric shock through my body when my emotions rose. My coping mechanisms were few as I had never faced anxiety in the past. What many in my family discredited as hormones were not merely the drama of an average teenage girl.

Because of this, I began seeing a therapist shortly after and taking prescription anxiety medication to elevate my serotonin levels, which is the chemical the brain produces to create a calm atmosphere. This was not something I was proud of. I hardly ever asked for prayer over it because I was embarrassed; I was ashamed that I struggled with it. The medication I took was controlling the symptoms, so I left it alone. I depended on it somewhat for my daily peace of mind.

On December 31st, 2015, however, something changed. Proclaiming to be a follower of Christ. I had encountered Jesus many times before, but never like this night. I experienced breakthrough on this night as Jesus told me that anxiety was not a burden I needed to carry. I was never meant to live a life of worry. He gave up His life and tore the veil so that I could have full access to Him and the joy He gives. That night, I fully received the joy He had been longing to give me all along. I was never meant to rely of medication for peace and joy- He gives both! Duh Maggie! I realized I didn't need that extra boost of serotonin if I would lay it at His feet. So, sloppy tears and all, that's what I did. Instead of picking my worry back up like previous times, I left it. I surrendered every fearful thought, every sleepless night, every frustrating tendency, every act of obsessive compulsive behavior, and I didn't dare pick it back up. After this encounter, I experienced a new joy, a lightness in my chest that is difficult to explain. The worry I carried daily was gone and I no longer needed to feel embarrassed or ashamed. I was free, and I danced like a crazy woman in the new joy I was given.

Since that night, I haven't taken one anxiety pill. Praise Jesus, let me do a little happy dance because He is so good! Am I saying I'm perfect? No way; there are times of tension because life isn't perfect and worry will try to raise it's hand and appear. In those moments, instead of running from it and seeking refuge in tears, I tell it to leave. I audibly declare that in the name of Jesus it has no place within me. The power of life and death is in the tongue, and in tough moments I sing out to my savior and speak out against it. Knowing the true love and joy of my savior gave me a new position in the battle of anxiety. I realize my worth and realize that I am strong. Christ overcame the world, and in Him, I am an overcomer as well.

I'm writing this not to glorify my struggle, but to let anyone who struggles know that there is hope and His name is Jesus. He paid the greatest price for you and for me that we should not have to walk in fear or worry. He set me free and He wants to do the same for you. No prescription drug can compare to the endless joy He gives.

Here's to one year of being anxiety free, and a lifetime to come!