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Breaking Out Of The Shell

Some things aren't easy to admit. And I think it's time that I got something off of my chest

Daniel Zuaro

Apr 17, 2017

SUNY Buffalo State

Depression Hurts

I wanted to take a walk today. It’s a beautiful day in Buffalo after a bit of rain this morning. I took a walk because I had a lot on my mind. This morning I felt so low that I just wanted to end it all. I’ve felt so lonely, so worthless. It’s not easy to admit that I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression. At times I don’t say anything because people tend to take my depression and put it beneath their own. I don’t admit anything because these days, mental illness is seen as an aesthetically pleasing thing that everyone needs to have. Trust me, you don’t want it. And I don’t admit anything, because I fear people won’t believe me. Everyone sees me as the this ray of sunshine and happiness that they say that I’m faking it. In reality, smiles are so easy to fake.

Everyday I wake up feeling like a failure. And everyday it gets harder to even get out of bed. I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this, but I’m just so tired of feeling sad. I’m tired of feeling hurt. I’m tired of being depressed.
With graduation coming up, I feel like I am in a funk. I haven’t found anything in my field that I fear that I’ll be trapped working in a supermarket, or some other place where I know I won’t be happy. Hopefully I can find that place to make me love what I do.

I feel lonely that I haven’t found the right guy to be with. Everyone seems to have found that special someone, while I’m here just trying to find what I love about myself that people would love about me.
I’m taking the first step in admitting all of this. I know this is a start, and soon it can lead to me feeling better. I need to start believing in myself. I need to start believing that I am worth something in this life and that in the future I can be happy, safe, and secure. It’s going to take some time, but I know that it will happen.
I love all of you so much, to the people in my life, to the people who just follow me on here and have never spoken a word to me.
You are all so special and mean something in this world.

For right now, I’m going to find my place in this world and be the best person that I can be

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Breaking Out Of The Shell

Some things aren't easy to admit. And I think it's time that I got something off of my chest

Subscribe to our Newsletter

#Adulting is hard.

1. Taking care of yourself when you're sick

2. Making a to-do list

3. Planning your activities around the weather

4. Scheduling your own doctor’s appointments

5. Getting your own toilet paper

6. Making food without needing to ask your mom questions

7. Holding your tongue

8. Saving your paycheck (or your tax refund) to pay your bills

9. Balancing your checkbook

10. Going places alone

11. Packing your own lunches

12. Actually eating your vegetables...on purpose

13. Taking a multivitamin

14. Planning a life after graduation

Sometimes bigger isn't always better.

1. If something happens, everyone knows about it

2. Never getting to be invisible

3. Knowing every single thing about every single person in the town

4. New kids are a big deal

5. It’s hard to make new friends

6. On that note ... the dating pool is even smaller!

7. Teachers are weirdly close to their students

8. It forced you to make friends out of school

"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love"

1. That Time He Tested Out His Flirting Skills and This Happened

2. When He Was Willing to Do Anything to Avoid Confrontation

3. When He Couldn't Handle Awkward, Emotional Situations

4. How He Reacted Whenever His Friends Ignored Him

5. All of the Times He Worried About His Failing Love Life

6. Whenever He Tried to Whip Himself Into Shape

7. How He Handled New People and New Experiences

8. Whenever His Friends Got Annoying, He Was Always the Voice of Reason

9. He Always Knew How to Jam

10. He Finds a Way to Make Any Situation More Fun

No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

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