I thought it was only appropriate to approach this article in the most professional way possible, similar to how actors and actresses have to get into character. So, to fully understand the pain of a hangover, I had to dress the part.
I took care of all of the necessary components. I began drinking Thursday night at a reasonable time (and by reasonable time I mean 6PM), took shots before the pregame, had fancy drinks at the pregame (having a friend who bartends has its perks), and then made my way to the bar to continue drinking whatever was bought for me (clearly I’m old fashioned--thanks, boys). The last essential step to ensure the sting of the hangover to come was to have a drink in my hands until the lights came on at the bar. Once all of the steps were completed, I returned home to late-night eat, get a big ol’ glass of water, and jump into my bed, where I would, predictably, be stationed for the next 12 hours of my life.
The morning rolled around and after I tried really hard to make it to class (“trying really hard” consisted of thinking about it for a good 30 seconds and emailing a couple professors), I decided that my bed needed me more than my classmates. I mean, I do ditch it everyday for class. It took up almost all of my energy to make that decision, so I napped a bit longer before making the hardest decision I would make that day: what should I eat? Easier than getting up and grabbing a pre-made snack from downstairs, I took the liberty of snapchatting just about everyone in Texas and texting all my roommates to bring me food. After getting ignored by just about all of them (thanks guys), I made a mental list of all of the best hangover food places in Fort Worth. Since I like to consider myself an expert in this domain, I figured I should stop being selfish and share my thoughts to my fellow hungover friends—still a secret to the ones who wouldn’t bring me food, of course.
Some of these are no-brainers to most, but if you’re a health freak then I suggest you stop reading because none of these will apply to you. Now, I understand we all have different tastes, but trust me…I have put a couple years months investigating the places that serve food that will soak up the alcohol a whole lot faster than your liver did the night before.
Number one in my heart and my bank account, I present you with Whataburger.
You saw that one coming…pretty standard. I doubt you’ll make it before 11AM to get an HBCB (honey butter chicken biscuit), so order the #13--there is a slight chance Nancy (the friendliest of employees I’ve come across in Fort Worth) will suggest it before you place your order. It consists of 3 chicken strips, Texas toast, fries cooked and salted to perfection, and a ‘medium’ sized drink (they take the ‘everything is bigger in Texas’ very seriously--this thing would be considered super-size at McD’s). Your experience at Whataburger would not be complete without gravy for your chicken and spicy ketchup for your fries; they are essential in the flavor portion of curing your hangover.
If you aren’t lucky to live close enough to Whataburger and aren’t sure if you have any money left on the card you just picked up from the bar, McDonald’s is your best bet.
Before you stop reading, I want you to salivate on your keyboard at this secret Ronald McDonald has been keeping from us. I wish, more than anything, that I could take credit for knowing this item could be ordered, but my friends back in Kansas are the geniuses who came up with the most wonderful thing you’ll ever put in your mouth. It is a McChicken with MAC SAUCE instead of mayonnaise. You know, the sauce they put on the beautifully double-layered Big Mac…No one (well, the two people I’ve asked) knows what is in the sauce, but I swear it has magical hangover curing powers. Don’t forget your fries and large water; you’ll need the extra grease and the water helps it go down your throat without taking away from the flavor of the sauce.
For those of you who are looking for breakfast with a side of ‘what happened last night’, I’m going to suggest going to Einstein Bros Bagels where you’ll see half of TCU’s campus recovering and hear the juiciest stories from the night before.
But, if you order a plain bagel with plain cream cheese, I will actually be mad at you, meet you there, steal your plainness and stuff a pizza bagel down your throat...but not in an aggressive way, of course J. You can order your pizza bagel on any type of bagel, but I have never strayed from the deliciousness of a plain bagel topped with marinara sauce, and cheese melted over little pepperoni circles. I’m literally giggly from just thinking about it. At this point in our college careers, I hope we have all learned that nothing soaks up alcohol like pizza, and let’s be honest, you probably had pizza for fourth meal—so why not for 5th meal too? Don’t forget your coffee so you can actually make it to and through class—learn from what I say, not what I do.
