Disclaimer: I am fully aware that this is a sensitive and highly controversial topic. Also I am acknowledging there is no black or white answer to stuff like this; I just want to give my own personal insight and advice on the matter. I happen to be a girl that has a very close group of guy friends (so close they think I'm a guy too), I also live with seven other girls. After hearing both sides of the spectrum, I've gathered some knowledge regarding how each sex operates- two completely different mindsets (But hey, you didn't need me to tell you that.) What I will share is how hook up culture affects us (girls) and how we actually have full control over the situation.
So, what is hookup culture? Pretty self-explanatory. People of our generation, namely college students, have phased out the older generation's idea of dating. Socialization went from phone calls and face to face encounters to texts and Snapchats. We are gradually losing all personal contact- becoming pixel faces behind a screen. We document ourselves as we want to be seen- not as we truly are. Essentially, we're digital avatars of our own lives, just as two-dimensional as Sims.
The more connected social media makes us, the more disconnected we become. Why bother getting to know someone when you can see all the latest things they're up to on Instagram? Why bother popping over to their room when you can send a Snapchat?
This is where the hookup culture starts to come into play. We have become so adapted to convenience, we hate being inconvenienced. So why would a guy call up a girl and ask her out on a date when it's 10x easier to just text her to come over for "Netflix and chill"?
I'm not here to completely bash social media and Netflix because I truly love both- but be wary of how they affect us.
The whole idea of convenience has transformed dating culture into hookup culture. Guys use to put in a lot more work to get something out of it. Today, guys are putting in less and are actually getting more. Girls are the ones who end up shortchanged and hurt. Not only are we not being asked out on dates anymore, but more is actually expected from us.
The sad part is, we give in. We give in because it's the norm and everyone does it. Encouraged by movies, music, TV, and our very own friends. Sit back and be real with yourself- are you completely okay with this culture? If the answer is yes, that is fine no judgment.
If not, you aren't the only person who feels this way, and you have the power to change it.
How? It's so simple: Give less, and you'll actually get more.
Girls function differently than guys. We think different, act different, are built different. WE ARE DIFFERENT. It's just the way it is.
I won't speak for all guys, but many guys live their lives on a night-to-night basis. It's a game out of who's down to hook up and go home.
For girls, that's just not good enough. We give more because we want more.
But sadly, this isn’t reciprocated.
If a guy flirts and wants to take you home- it doesn't mean he necessarily likes you.
9/10 times if a guy wants you for the night, that's all he wants from you. So if you're about that, then that is fine too- just don't expect anything more from him, and don't be surprised if he hits up one of your friends next weekend.
Take my advice. Actions speak louder than words. Period. It doesn’t take a genius to flirt with a girl at the bar, or to sit behind an iPhone and type beautiful soliloquies. Not trying to diminish the flattery it brings, but trust only actions. Most aren’t willing to go to lengths to prove themselves- this is how you find who’s real and who’s not.
For example: If he asks you to come over at ungodly hours of the night- be straight up (or be coy) and decline the offer, then suggest to (publicly) hang out another time.
If a guy is interested, he will put in the effort. Trust me. If he doesn't, then you have saved yourself the trouble. Hooking up with him won't make him like you more, and it won't give you the fulfillment you want.
To every girl who wants to work towards breaking-up with hookup culture remember this:
Go into everything eyes wide open.
It's OKAY to not do what everyone else is doing.
Before investing yourself in someone, make sure they deserve you.
Above all, stay true to yourself and you'll never be disappointed.
