Dear you,

I hope you understand how long I have waited to have the strength to write this letter. It has been a long journey, but I am finally ready to say goodbye.

The first time I openly admitted I had an intimate relationship with you, I was drunk. My friend that I had accidentally mentioned you to tried to bring you up again a few days later and I just brushed your name off as if you were not a big deal. I began to feel very anxious whenever I went to go eat out with friends. I wanted to keep you as my dirty little secret, so it got to the point that I hid you and made sure to eat only when around people. I was hoping that that way nobody would think twice about my secret affair. Only too bad for us, one friend did notice when you crept around.

I was at a crossroads. I had to choose between you and the girl I had traveled across the globe with, because it was becoming much harder trying to hide us. After a few weeks, she began mentioning you. I tried pawning you off by saying that my stomach was constantly upset and that was why I ate very little. I started losing weight at a faster rate than I had before, and more people were noticing it and commenting on how I was becoming thin. My boss and coworkers began asking me every day if and what I had eaten. They would tell me that I should stop exercising in the mornings because they were worried I was going to get too slim. I felt myself growing frustrated when people tried to talk about my relationship that they knew nothing about.

They did not know you like I did. They did not know the feeling I got from you.

I could not stop myself from loving you. I loved how in control I felt when I allowed you to take over. I loved how small I felt. My life felt more in order when you were present. I did not mind how much more frequently you were causing me to get sick. I especially did not care that a gross amount of my ribs was beginning to show. It was not until you partially caused me a trip to the hospital that it dawned on me that I needed to make a serious lifestyle change. I needed to leave you behind.

It is time to let go.

We have been fond of each other since I was in middle school. I have known you for a more years than I should have allowed. I guess it is safe to say that it is you, not me. I want to love others that are not toxic to my health. I want to grow strong and I cannot do so if I keep this relationship with you.

As in the words of the wise Taylor Swift, "We are never getting back together- like ever." You are not welcome to pop back up whenever you so choose. I am a new person nowadays and we simply do not compliment each other like I thought we had before. Do not try to creep back into my life when you feel I am my most vulnerable, because I am now stronger than I ever was.

Sincerely,

A Happier And Healthier Me