It's been a long time coming. It's time to decide, using hard facts and logic, who really owns this boy. If you're not aware of the 1998 hit R&B single "The Boy Is Mine" by Brandy & Monica, you should really listen to the song. Here, I'll help you out.

You might be thinking, "Why don't they just ditch this boy? Why would they want to be with a boy who cheats?"

We're not here to judge that. We're here to judge who wins this case. Let's start off with identifying who started this entire dispute: Brandy. The very first line of the song, whether or not you're listening to the version with dialogue in the beginning, is from Brandy. Her first singing line is purely composed of "fighting words." She expresses disbelief that Monica could possibly even think that this boy is hers. Statistically, using made up statistics I just came up with right now, about 60 percent of all confrontations start off with the person in the wrong "talking smack." Monica retorts, saying that Brandy is just jealous. Now, from this lyric, we can assume that Monica is the main girl. Unless, Monica and Brandy entered a relationship with the same man at the same time.

Then, Brandy says that this man told her personally that he couldn't make a day without her. Obviously a lie, seeing as how he was alive before he met her, therefore making this a moot point. Monica, baffled by her statements, asks her when she's going to stop wasting her time. Brandy clarifies the situation a bit by saying that Monica is "the past and [she's] the future." We can assume that, in this convoluted timeline, that Monica is the first of the two to be labeled as "girlfriend" by this unnamed, worthless man.

After carefully dissecting these stanzas, I think I have a pretty good idea of what each girl's main points are. Monica's point is that she was with him first, therefore Brandy can't possibly "take" this boy away from her. The fact that this man is willing to maintain a façade (which does seem tiring) to keep her by his side means that he values her over Brandy. Now, Brandy's point is that he loves her more than Monica because he's willing to compromise the integrity of his relationship to spend time with her.

I'm well aware that we're going to need the man's perspective to accurately pick out who he loves more, but these are the cards we've been dealt with. Percentage-wise, usually the girlfriend is the wronged one in the scenario, but we can't assume that Brandy knew he was cheating on Monica when they "hung out."

We're going to have to settle this by quality of vocals.

I've seen a lot of confessions and interrogations on TV, so I'm pretty well-versed in spotting deceitful homewreckers. A common thing that detectives look out for is the shakiness of the interrogatee. The closest thing we have to that in singing is riffs. Luckily for you, I've counted all of the riffs in the song and their duration. Monica has more riffs. Just trust me on this one.

Brandy wins. Everybody go home.